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February 25, 2007

Hi guys! We’re working on moving over to WordPress, but if you’ve stumbled over here in the meantime,  go here to get regular updates from The Evil Beet.

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Fashion Victim of the Week

February 24, 2007

Well well well…Liz Hurley didn’t think I would ever have to write about you. Now this outfit would be ok maybe on a 16 year-old but not a fashion icon. If you are over 35 there are things that you should not wear. I know the whole boots over jeans thing is cute but it isn’t very pulled together or classy if you are a woman who keeps boasting that she is having a wedding “fit for a princess.” Leather isn’t meant to be purple. When you start wearing leather in shades of purple you are officially headed into Forever 21 land…and that is only a place for girls going out to clubs with a disco ball, fist pumping and $1 blow job shots.

Antonella Barba Sucks Cock

February 23, 2007




Re-read the headline. It’s a statement I would have made and stood by regardless, but I would have meant it in regards to her vocal ability. How that little hooker squeaked through last night is a mystery to me, but I actually don’t mind if shit like this is going to keep popping up, because it cracks me up. Someone emailed the kids at IDLYITW with these photos. Is this Antonella? You make the call. I’ve posted her AmIdol publicity shot, and these pictures of a very similar-looking young woman performing fellatio on a man who might want to think about doing some sit-ups. It sure does look like her, buck teeth and all.

Perhaps the new Idol Camp could add a “Masters Class” on this shit.

Amanda Peet Has Baby Girl

February 23, 2007

Congratulations to Amanda Peet and her husband, screenwriter David Benioff. Amanda gave birth to a baby girl, Frances Pen, on Tuesday. The new mom should have plenty of time to play with her little bundle of joy, as the jackasses over at NBC are totally going to cancel Studio 60, which rocks, because its educated, employed, time-shifting audience doesn’t have any interest in being a Nielsen family, thank you very much.

KimberlyWalther.com Was Not Created by Kimberly Walther

February 23, 2007


Oops … I did it again!!

HA HA HA.

Oh, Britney, please get healthy and come back so that these jokes can return to their home.

Anyway, when Anna Nicole’s assistant Kimmie supposedly had a “website” bitching out Howard K. Stern, I mentioned I had some questions concerning its legitimacy, based on the date of its creation and the rest of the WhoIs information. Kimmie does, too. She says she wants the public to know that she has nothing but kind things to say about Howard K. and the rest of that bunch, and that she did not set up that website.

Kimmie Speaks!

February 23, 2007

Anna Nicole’s former assistant and font-explorer extraordinaire, Kimmie Waltham, appears on Entertainment Tonight with freshly normalized hair to chat about Anna, Daniel and paternity (“She told me she didn’t know who the father was.”). Check out the preview.

Brangelina: Hit Me (with a) Baby One More Time

February 23, 2007

Oops … they did it again!

Sorry, sorry. With Britney now sequestered in a single rehab for over twenty-four hours, I don’t know what to do with all those jokes. And it just doesn’t seem right that it’s nearly noon and I haven’t made one yet. So I’m turning them on Brad and Angie, because Hollywood’s better-dressed version of the United Nations is expanding once more.

Sources tell US Weekly that the gorgeous couple has filed papers with the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration services to adopt a boy from the Tam Binh orphanage in Ho Chi Minh City. They visited the orphanage in late November.

The move will bring gender equality to the family, which currently consists of one boy (Maddox, five, from Cambodia), and two girls (Zahara, two, from Ethiopia, and Shiloh Our Lord and Savior, 10 months, from the far-off, magical land of Angelina Jolie’s Vagina).

For those of you keeping score at home, this brings the tally to Brad Pitt: 4 kids, Jennifer Aniston: 0 kids. It’s looking to be a shut-out. Ouch.

She Don’t Eat Za

February 23, 2007

Our friends over at Elle have unearthed the fact that:

(Jessica Simpson is) allergic to cheese. And wheat. Oh, and tomatoes.

Luckily Pizza Hut’s new non cheese sans tomatoes pizza is set to be unveiled. It’s called the O2 and it’s yours for the low low price of $9.99

My Idol Recap

February 23, 2007
I’ll never be as good as the Beet but I feel obligated to satiate your potent Idol thirst.

Chris Sligh says his comments weren’t meant as disrespectful. I get what he’s saying, going after Simon’s producing credits is meant more as a love note. Idiot.

So they got rid the Asian, that’s poor form, and Antonella seemed to know she was done, she had that glazed look in her eye, and yet she survived.

Amy got eliminated. Was she on the show? Oh yeah, the “I can’t make you love me” girl. That’s one of the worst songs ever, especially for stalkers. You CAN make someone love you, keep that dream alive.

Which of these things is not like the other? Kelly Clarkson. Carrie Underwood. Fantasia Barrino. The good news is after she’s done doing Broadway she can finally get back to writing novels (which has always been her real strength).

Alaina is safe! I don’t know why, but I’m crushing. Nicole goes home which is good. I had an ex named Nicole.

Rudy gets thrown off and Paula says “I think Rudy has one of the best vocals.” She clearly didn’t watch the show or ever speak English.

Oh no, Paul Kim said this was his last shot at music!! What about the shower bud?

I’ve always admired the fact that the departees sing because I’d throw my microphone down and say “fuck y’all, I ain’t your dancin’ monkey.” Clearly I’d be really southern in my version. Rudy doesn’t even get to finish his song on my TiVo version. Don’t worry man, call me and I’ll have you over to sing the last minute for me and my friends. I’ll even throw ya a $20 for your trouble.

The kid mauls “Free Ride” (again) and our 2.5 hour Idol journey is mercifully over for the week. Boo to the yeah.

Is Mischa Barton Smoking Weed?

February 23, 2007


I dunno, to me this looks like it could be a cigarette, but the paps over at Flynet seem pretty sure it was weed. And, hey, they were there. There’s no doubt this chick gets high (I mean, you kind of have to be stoned 24-7 to date Cisco Adler), but you’d think she’d know better than to smoke weed in the driver’s seat of her car in broad daylight, especially with her sister having just checked into rehab and BFF Nicole Richie’s recent DUI drama. But I guess no one really does that sucking-in thing with their cheeks when they’re just smoking a cigarette. But who the hell holds a joint like that? What do you guys think? What is Mischa smoking?