"It’s Like, Yeah, Motherfucker, My Bag’s Fine"

Ugh. I am, like, soooo late on the draw with this one. So a recap.

Lindsay Lohan’s Birkin was stolen at Heathrow airport, which was, like, recently the target of some manner of foiled terrorist plot, so it’s nice to see they’ve really driven security into high gear over there. Lindsay cried because if there’s anything that sucks worse than losing a Hermes bag containing over $1M in jewelry and your asthma inhaler, it’s losing a Hermes bag containing over $1M in jewelry and the rest of your cocaine. You’d cry, too.

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Don’t panic yet, folks; the bag was recently found in a parking lot near Heathrow, after whoever stole it realized that it’s a lot harder to sell jewelry and a handbag on the black market when everyone in the nearest 19 countries knows you stole them from Lindsay Lohan this morning. But you know what tastes the same in every language? Yeah. Don’t count on getting that “inhaler” back, Linds.

4 Responses to “"It’s Like, Yeah, Motherfucker, My Bag’s Fine"”

  1. Streisand_Disciple Says:

    She’s carrying around $1M in jewelry? Is she way, way richer than I thought?

  2. EvilBeet Says:

    Nah. The jewelry had probably been lent to her. But why she, personally, is carrying around $1M worth of jewelry in her carry-on is a total mystery.

  3. Streisand_Disciple Says:

    Yeah, my understanding is that there’s supposed to be someone monitoring the loaned jewelry.

  4. EvilBeet Says:

    Yeah. Well the whole “$1M worth” thing isn’t really substantiated by evidence. It’s just a quote someone grabbed. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d actually lost the damn bag herself. My guess is she was over-tired, coming down, the last of her stash was in that inhaler, and she freaked out. I really do think her life would be a lot more manageable if she kicked the drug habit.

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