I Can’t Stay Mad at You, John Mayer

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This has been an eat-my-hat sort of week for me. First, much to my chagrin, the oft-maligned-and-usually-by-me Brad Pitt did something awesome. Now, John Mayer, who I consistently find to be pedantic, cocky, self-centered, obnoxious and off-the-fucking-charts sexy and brilliant (grrr!) gives a pedantic, cocky, self-centered, obnoxious and off-the-fucking-charts sexy and brilliant interview to Rolling Stone (grrr!). Some highlights:

On Brangelina: “Everyone thinks Brad Pitt has it great because he married Angelina Jolie. I think he has it terrible, because when Angelina Jolie is giving you a blow job, what do you tip your head back and think of to help you finish? You have nothing left – just Jesus on a polar bear in the middle of the snow saying, ‘You greedy motherfucker, I’ve got nothing for you.’”

On being on tour: “I slept with, like, three girls a week.”

On his cock: “I’m not worried about how small my penis is – I’m worried about how dark it is. I have a Dominican penis. My penis hit six home runs last year; my penis wears shoes without socks.”

He also has some manner of album coming out. It will, most likely, be pedantic, cocky, self-centered, obnoxious and off-the-fucking-charts sexy and brilliant (grrr!).

Update: I forgot to mention that John Mayer had one little lapse of brilliance here; Brad Pitt is not married to Angelina Jolie. They are merely living in sin. They will get married when, and only when, you can marry your hot 13-year-old niece.

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2 Responses to “I Can’t Stay Mad at You, John Mayer”

  1. Streisand_Disciple Says:

    You wanna feel a little better about hating Brad again? He obviously has no concept that gay marriage is presently (and likely permanently, barring a ill-conceived amendment) a states’ rights issue, meaning that there isn’t, nor will there likely be in our lifetime a uniform approach to gay marriage. Technically, any person in this country can already get married to whomever they want by moving to Massachusetts. So it remains a thinly veiled excuse to avoid permanently hitching his wagon to AJ’s crazy star.

  2. Brian Says:

    It’s pretty funny to me how discordant John Mayer’s smack is with his annoyingly hushed, schmaltzy music (though on second thought, the music *is* deftly designed to keep that three-groupies-a-week hobby on track).

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