Nicole Richie Thinks You Are Retarded

Nicole Richie is stumped. The 25-year-old celebutard checked into a treatment facility this week, because she just plumb can’t figure out why she can’t put on any weight. That’s so funny. Because it totally didn’t seem to be a problem for her at all until a couple years ago. But I suppose a lot of women go through that experience in their mid-20s. As their metabolism changes and they move into adulthood and engage in internationally publicized feuds with their sharp-taloned ex-best friends, they just drop massive amounts of weight for no reason whatsoever. Richie’s camp has managed to rule out one possibility for sure: she is absolutely, positively, without a doubt, not eating disorded. Says her rep:

Nicole Richie has decided to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she’s not been putting on any weight. She is working with a team of doctors and specialists whose focus is nutrition. It is important to Nicole that she achieves this goal in a healthy way as this is not a treatment for an eating disorder.

What will this “diagnostic treatment” unveil? A particularly persistent form of irritable bowel syndrome? Hypothyroidism? A leak? Only time will tell. In the meantime, Nicole’s rep is unloading some of the starlet’s assets to cover the cost of treatment, and she has a bridge available, if you’re interested.


3 Responses to “Nicole Richie Thinks You Are Retarded”

  1. Joy A Says:

    I don’t know why people are afraid to say she’s in rehab.

    This bitch is seeking help for becoming a skeleton.

    She can call it a wardrobe malfunction for all I care, as long as I don’t have to stare at her ribs anymore, I’m good.

  2. Brian Says:

    “…and she has a bridge available, if you’re interested.”

    Sorry, a bridge?!

  3. EvilBeet Says:

    Like, “if you believe that, I have a bridge I’d like to sell you.” Sheesh.

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