Archive for November, 2006

You’re in New York. Go in Style.

November 30, 2006

Beet readers and those fascinated by Britney Spear’s vagina if you are in New York in the next few weeks and find yourself needing to use the toilet have no fear. Charmin has set up shop in a storefront formally occupied by Barcode. Remember the episode of “Sex and the City” where Carrie went on the date to in Times Square where they played video games…it is that place. Each of the 20 restrooms is cleaned after every use. It is a holiday promotion which really is quite smart. Other than Starbucks, New York is a wasteland of restrooms. If you have to pee in New York you usually have to sneak into a hotel or restaurant. There is much fanfare to this public toilet experiment. You can even get your picture taken with the Charmin Bear! The website is too funny. They have a map where you can see how many visitors from different countries have visited the Charmin restrooms. They have had 2 visitors from Madagascar who must have been very confused at the whole idea of an entire storefront being devoted to the excitement of pooping.
The Naked Cowboy wrote a song about this holiday extravaganza and obviously, it is on You Tube. Here you go. Please watch this because you can see how random this whole toilet thing is. I haven’t gone yet but Monday I work in Times Square and you better believe I’m getting my picture taken with the bear.

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Did Britney’s Vagina Break Google?

November 30, 2006

From Blogger’s status blog:

Thursday, November 30, 2006
We are currently investigating the intermittent 502 error pages on the new version of Blogger in beta and its Blog*Spot blogs. If you experience one of these errors, waiting a minute or so and refreshing may help.

I’ve talked to a few other gossip bloggers, all of whom are experiencing insane levels of traffic from people searching for Britney’s vagina. At Evil Beet yesterday we experienced traffic at more than ten times our normal level. Today we’re on track for that to be twenty times. I wonder if this sudden traffic surge is impacting Google’s Blogger servers. Man, I hope so. I hope Britney’s vagina broke Google.

Related: sorry for the 502 errors. It’s not my fault! If you try to load the site and it won’t come up, try again in a few minutes. Thanks for reading! (Or, um, looking, as is the case for most of you.)

I Guess Paris and Stavros Are Still Doin’ It

November 30, 2006

This is so bizarre. Paris Hilton is pictured above with a locket that has a picture of Stavros her on again/off again “boyfriend.” Here is a video, via x17Online.com where you can almost audibly hear Paris say, “Get your hot ass over to The Grove right now!” Hollywood has now gone from being like high school to being middle school. How sweet that Paris celebrates her favorite booty call with a sweet picture in a locket. By sweet I mean lame. Remember back in the day when Paris was going to marry that other Greek shipping heir and be a housewife?

Minorities of the World, Unite! (Are the French a minority?)

November 30, 2006


This just in.

Tony Parker of the San Antonio NBA Basketball Spurs and Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria are officially engaged. No more simply knocking boots for the two of them, they are making a firm commitment to be legal in Texas by the summer of 2007.

Frankly, I don’t have much to say about either of them. The Spurs are a really boring team and Tony is French. I heard on FOX that I’m supposed to frown upon the French.

As for her, I stopped watching Desperate Housewives because it started going hella hokey. She was decent in the film no one ever saw, Harsh Times.

So there you have it. I suppose I could mention that she is seven years older than him if you ladies want to hoot, or alternatively, holler. Go nuts.

Lindsay Lohan Trying to Get Sober

November 30, 2006

It’s possible we bloggers might have to find someone else to fill our column inches in the near future, as Page Six reports that Lindsay Lohan has begun attending AA meetings. This should come as a surprise to no one, as Lindsay’s former boyfriend, Harry Morton, is sober, and she was spotted wearing a 90-day sobriety chip at the Ivy, and, most recently, issued a statement on the death of Robert Altman littered with AA jargon.

According to Page Six, a “spy” reported seeing her yesterday at an early morning AA meeting near her apartment. As a gossip blogger, I love this, but as a person, I think this “spy” is a total asshole. Lindsay should have the opportunity to get sober anonymously, just like anyone else in a 12-step program, and it’s heartbreaking that she was betrayed by someone from a meeting. (Yeah, I know, that’s not stopping me from running this article). A Lohan friend confirmed: “She has attended several meetings and has hopefully decided to turn her life around – this time for good. She is out of control.”

I’m excited for Lindsay that all the Courtney Love chanting is paying off, and I truly hope she can manage to get herself clean and sober, and get her life back on track. We gossip bloggers don’t really need her anymore, now that we have Britney Spears on the scene.

Bigots of the World, Unite!

November 30, 2006

Entertainment Weekly has pulled an interview with Mr. Mel Gibson (his own self).

Overall the interview is well done and somewhat thoughtful. I’d never claim Mel isn’t smart, I’d just claim that clearly he should lay off the fire water. Here are a few of the choice bits though:

Do you feel you’ve done enough apologizing for your anti-Semitic remarks?
“Those were the ravings of an inebriated, angry person. I don’t know. I think publicly I have done enough.”

Hey, newsflash, that person was you. You are angry, were inebriated, raved. I’m sick of people saying “It was the anger talking.” That anger is you fella, take responsibility and say “I’m an angry guy and that’s something I battle with.” Who is this third person you speak of?

People won’t really refuse to work with you?
“No, people aren’t like that. Those are just headlines: Mel Ostracized by Hollywood! Hollywood is what you make it.”

I can tell you based on my experience in the industry that most people don’t take moral stands. If Mel had come out the next day and said “I believe my statements were correct,” he’d still have work. He owns a production company for God’s sake, he has an Oscar. There is one thing Hollywood values above your personal life and views. Money. Cold hard cash, and Mel has a history of delivering it. Thus, short of raping a goat in front of the Hollywood sign, someone will always want to work with him, no matter the religious affiliation.

Here’s some sympathy from Mel:

“I felt like sending Michael Richards a note. I feel really badly for the guy. He was obviously in a state of stress.”

He should feel bad for Richards. Richards is proper fucked, unlike Mel. Why? He hasn’t delivered the money in eight years, and even then it was with an ensemble. Now producers can take a moral stand because it’s fiscally prudent (channeling George Bush I). I now return you to typical Hollywood softball mumbo-jumbo:

Can you teach anybody to act?
“Yeah. It’s about breathing.”

For the record I have no problem separating the art from the artist. Bad people make great films sometimes, sweethearts can make stinkbombs. Braveheart was a great film. But you should be aware that Apocalypto is not a good film. Uber not-goodness. What it is an extremely heavy handed metaphor wrapped up in a very weak story. Boring, silly, pointless. Other than that I loved it. Make sure you see it.

Britney Spears’ Vagina is a Problem

November 30, 2006

Quick note from the Beet: I apologize for the incredibly slow load times lately. We’re seeing unprecedented levels of traffic, thanks to the whole freakin’ world searching for pictures of Britney Spears’ vagina. Unfortunately, they’re not our servers (but thank you, Google, for letting us use yours for free), so there’s not a whole lot we can do. Hang in there, and I’m sure traffic (and load times) will be back to normal once someone who plays sports does something interesting.

Update: For those of you who have shown up here looking for these pictures, they are here and here. Enjoy! Tell your friends! Masturbate! Vomit! Sigh…

Human Rights Organizations Want a Say in Madonna Adoption

November 30, 2006

Poor Madonna! First her NBC concert special flopped big time (seriously, it was outperformed by Fox’s airing of Cheaper by the Dozen), and now everyone and their brother wants a say in her adoption of David Banda. On Wednesday, a Malawian judge ruled in favor of a coalition of 67 Malawian human rights and child advocacy groups who want to be party to the assessment of her fitness as a mother.

Madonna stirred up some local controversy when she took Banda to England soon after filing for adoption, when Malawi regulations require that prospective parents undergo an 18- to 24-month assessment in the country.

“I must stress that all along we have not been against the adoption but we only wanted Malawi’s adoption laws clarified and followed to the letter,” said one of the petitioners, a Malawian lawyer and human rights activist. “Today’s ruling gives us the opportunity to clear (up) some gray areas surrounding adoption laws in Malawi.”

At first glance, the implication of this seems crazy: how could this kid possibly be better off in a Malawi orphanage than living as Madonna’s son? But the human rights activists want to protect the process of adoption in their country; if these rules can be circumvented by Madonna, they reason, they can be circumvented by pedophiles and human traffickers. It’s an argument that makes sense, and I’m siding with the human rights folks on this one.

I’m sure this is hell for Madonna, though. I once took my cat, Max, who I found as a stray, to the vet for a routine check-up. The vet found a little chip implanted in him that said he belonged to a different owner. She had to call the owner, and she told me my cat would have to be returned if his original owner wanted him. It took about 20 minutes to get ahold of the owner, who had lost the cat long ago and already replaced him, but I spent all 20 of those minutes crying and being generally inconsolable. It’s a stupid example, I know, but I can’t even imagine the hell it would be to have to go through this with a child. Especially since the government’s first assessment of her fitness as a mother isn’t scheduled until next May. Hopefully this will work out satisfactorily for all parties, and we can return our attention to more interesting matters, like where Britney Spears will next treat us all to a look at her hairless goodies.

Picking up the Pieces

November 30, 2006

Things that happened today without any involvement on the part of Britney Spears’ vagina:

American Idol fourth-placer Chris Daughtrey’s album debuts at #2 on the U.S. charts. [Perez Hilton]

Check out Beyonce’s new video for “Listen,” from the Dreamgirls soundtrack. [popbytes]

Kevin Federline has a thing for women who like the whole world to see their naughty bits. Isn’t that right, Kendra Jade? [Pop on the Pop]

Josh Hartnett’s mystery girl revealed: she’s Amber Sainsbury, who did some show called Hex for 11 episodes in 2004 and is currently co-starring with Hartnett in 30 Days of Night. Also: she’s not as pretty as Josh, which is how I reckon he prefers it. [BWE]

Nick Lachey bought a minor-league baseball team this week. What did you do? [ICYDK]

Matt Lauer named his newborn son Thijs. Pronounced “Tice.” I am supposed to say something mean here (preferably referencing the unfortunately named Paltrow offspring) but I have a fabulous friend at school named Tejs (pronounced similarly), so out of respect for the fact that he did my finance homework all quarter, I just have this to say: Way to name a kid, Lauer! [Cele|Bitchy]

Danny Devito Goes Crazy on ‘The View’

November 29, 2006

Here is the weirdest interview I’ve seen in a while on daytime.

Click here to see Danny Devito sit on Rosie’s lap like the little elf he is. I guess he also doesn’t like George Bush. But really, who does these days?

Update: What I forgot to mention is that he is wasted. Perez has a funny take on Devito’s rantings. Why is it funnier when a little person is drunk?