Golden Globe Me

The Golden Globe Nominations have been announced.

I don’t know who the Hollywood Foreign Press is, I’ve never met a member, no one has, and I assume they run around with assault rifles in countries that are still developing economies.

Nevertheless, we look to them each year as an indicator of what will be Oscar chosen and what might be left out. Let’s take a look at some of the themes in this year’s nominations:

Theme 1: Dear Clint Eastwood, would you please have sex with us?

He received two noms for best director. Break that down. Of the five best movies for 2006 Clint was at the helm for two of them. Garbage. Flags of Our Fathers was a film that no one went to see; those that did came away scratching their heads and inquiring as to whether they could have their money back.

Theme 2: Leo DiCaprio, any chance you need some sexual healing?

Two noms for our boy Leo too. These are a little more reasonable given the films he was in were actually watchable but still, two nominations for the same guy? Ballsy call, Globes, courage defined over there.

Theme 3: We foreign press guys know about more films than you could ever dream of Yanqui slime!
Let me name some films for you. Kinky Boots. Miss Potter. Nomad. Little Children. Okay, you might have heard of Little Children but you sure as hell didn’t see it because no one in the entire country did. Fucking Kinky BOOTS???

Theme 4: We also have a deeper cinematic knowledge than you can ever hope to!
Movies aren’t for entertainment, they’re to make us feel superior. And that’s why we like Babel.

So yeah, it’s another banner year for award nominations, where the continuing theme seems to be “Hey, you, look at us!”

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