Drew Barrymore Single for 30 Seconds


Great news for the eight of you who still secretly harbor that boyhood crush on Drew Barrymore. According to Us Weekly, the actress has called it quits with her boyfriend of five years, Fabrizio Moretti, the drummer for The Strokes.

According to sources, Drew, who is five years older than Moretti, “said they needed time off.” Moretti has reportedly moved back into his own apartment.

The two seemed like a good match, according to their friends. Says Barrymore pal Courtney Love, “Drew has always had a taste for subculture,” which doesn’t seem to mean anything at all in this context. In fact, the more I try to make it mean something in this context, the more my head hurts. Can we just get back to fabricating quotes that make sense, Us Weekly?

Oh, good. Here are some more quotes from “sources” regarding the split: “He’s younger, and she’s more worldly. He doesn’t like the Hollywood stuff. He doesn’t get her friends.”

But don’t rev up those E.T. fantasies yet, boys. “This is exactly what happened last time they took a break,” says a source, from which we’re apparently supposed to infer that they might get back together. Because, you know, the last time they took a break, they totally took a break. Just like this time. See? Subculture. Continued the source, “Lemonade. Tattoo. Engine coolant,” from which it is clear that Drew just adopted a cat.

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