I Am a Pathetic Human Being…

…however, I am a stellar gossip blogger.

I took this quiz on celebrity body parts, and I got 13 out of 15 right. Even the quiz thinks I’m crazy. Its reaction to my score: “Um, stalkerazzi? Jeez. Turn that gaze inward a bit, eh?”

For someone who’s never had a particularly artistic bent, or a keen eye for visual detail, this is really, really sad. That I can be shown a picture of a forehead and immediately think to myself, “Oh, that’s Christina’s.” Christina Ricci, that is. But in my head, we’re totally on a first-name basis. And I know her forehead. I could probably not ID a photo of my mother’s forehead, given a photo forehead line-up of other non-famous mothers in their 50s (um … except my mom is totally 32 … she swears), but if you put a photo of Christina Ricci’s forehead in there, as I’ve just proven, I will find it.

So you’re welcome, people. I am just that dedicated to my craft. I am an exceptional celebrity gossip blogger. And so what if it means I have no boyfriend and no friends and no other hobbies and the person on this earth to whom I’m most connected is a functionally schizophrenic photographer who thinks his cats speak to him and … oh, no, that’s Courteney Cox[-Arquette]’s character on Dirt. But it’s just not that far off from where my life is headed.

Whatevs. Take the quiz. We’re all in this together, kids.

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