Archive for the ‘Drogas’ Category

Lunchtime Quickies: Nick Carter Would Like You to Hate Paris Hilton, Watch His Television Program

September 27, 2006

  • God bless the British press. They’ve got a pic of cocaine in its natural habitat — the inside of Kate Moss’s nose.
  • If the standard blow-up doll isn’t doing the trick anymore, you can bid on an actual Fembot on eBay.
  • Nick Carter: “Paris Hilton is a psychotic evil whore blah blah blah blah hey by the way I have a television show coming out.”
  • Jamie Pressly gets engaged and Kate Hudson files for divorce.
  • Do you want a George W. Bush butt plug? Perhaps for use in conjunction with your Fembot? Okay, okay. Just promise you’ll think about it.
  • ABC’s website has a clip of the Terri Irwin interview that will air on 20/20 tonight.
  • I can’t believe I am linking to Perez Hilton just because I agree with his taste, but I am. Regina Spektor rocks, and when you’re done listening to the new Killers album, you should check her out.
  • Lost star Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje ayddibug ukilolopoti yi Abptu daka-daka shrekpiti.

Liquid Cocaine (and it’s legal!)

September 20, 2006


Redux Beverages in Las Vegas debuted its new beverage at NYC Fashion Week this week: “Cocaine.”

The beverage, targeted at party-goers (really? why?), is supposedly 3.5x stronger than Red Bull (its inventor, Jamey Kirby, says it is “350 percent stronger,” because, you know, that sounds like more), and — get this — has a secret ingredient to imitate the mouth- and throat-numbing properties of actual cocaine.

Their website looks pretty low-budg, which is fine, because you don’t really need a complicated marketing strategy when you’ve named your product after the hippest life-destroying addictive illegal drug on the market. You know everyone at Hansens is slapping their foreheads this week. “Fuck, dude, what were we thinking? Monster? Shit.”

I think we’re seeing a resurgence in the marketing-by-controversy approach, between this and Survivor: Racist. I hold Ann Coulter single-handedly responsible.

Afternoon Delight: Teri Hatcher Has Not Been Getting Enough Media Attention This Week

September 19, 2006

Lindsay Lohan Tells Her Mom to Go to Hell

September 17, 2006

If you can believe it, all is not well in the Lohan household.

On Thursday night, La Lohan met up with her mother, Dina, at an NYC restaurant to celebrate her mom’s birthday. By the time Lindsay arrived, Dina and four friends were already pretty smashed, and by the end of the first course, Lindsay and Dina were cussing at one another. Lindsay told her mother to “go to hell” and left the restaurant for the Calvin Klein party at 7 World Trade Center, and later closed down B8.

Her mother stayed at the restaurant, crying and text-messaging furiously for the next 45 minutes, and apparently made five trips to the bathroom, coming back sniffling each time. Sound like anyone you know? The waiters had to help her out of the restaurant four hours later, after she’d paid the $2000 bill without tipping.

Poor Lindsay Lohan. On the surface, it must seem really fun to have a mother who’s every bit as much of an alcoholic and cokehead as yourself, but deeper down I can see how it might feel dysfunctional, unstable and petrifying.

"jason wahler arrested cocaine"

September 13, 2006

I’ve had approximately one billion hits with this search term, or a variation upon it, today. So okay.

Yes, Jason Wahler was arrested in NYC on September 1, a little past 4 am, and charged with 3 counts of bribery, criminal possession of a controlled substance, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.

So, um, here’s what I assume happened:

1) LC’s ex-love bumped a few lines (of cocaine. Yes, people. Probably of cocaine. Are you happy now?)
2) He did some stupid shit. (Jason Wahler? You’re kidding me.)
3) The cops got involved.
4) The cops suspected and then confirmed that drugs were involved.
5) The words “Don’t you know who I am?” were spoken. Probably by both parties.
6) A bribe was offered. Thrice.
7) All bribes were rejected, Jason was arrested.

Update: Oops…He Did It Again!

Odds and Ends: And Just When You Were Jonesing for a Dana Plato Update

September 12, 2006


Because if I can’t blog about the retarded shit celebs did today, the terrorists have already won.

  • David Spade and Heather Locklear are dunzo; her latest boy-toy is a Colorado realtor with a striking resemblance to Joe Simpson. But I adore her, so I’m setting down my bat and walking away from the soft ball.
  • Sean “Puff Daddy/P. Diddy/Diddy” Combs has to ditch the “Diddy” in Britain after a music producer there sues him over the name.
  • Dana Plato’s son files a wrongful death suit againt the Diff’rent Strokes star’s former fiance. Time to update that True Hollywood Story, E!
  • Black Eyed Peas singer Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson reluctantly admits to being on meth and Kids Incorporated. I’m pretty sure I know which one is more damaging to her image.
  • For those of you who were staying up nights wondering, Lindsay Lohan’s stolen-and-returned Birkin bag had nothing missing. Except, you know, probably the drugs.

Kirsten Dunst Has Something to Say about That

September 11, 2006


As long as we’re on the topic of people who’ve hooked up with Brad Pitt…

Kirsten Dunst put the coke back in her inhaler for long enough to talk to Britain’s News of the World about how lucky she is that she doesn’t do coke.

Seriously.

Listen to some choice quotes:

  • “Jake and I couldn’t last. He’s a stay-at-home boy and I’m an out-on-the-town girl. We tried to spice things up — we had sex in cars, in the bathroom and even by the sea. The only place we didn’t have the guts to try was in a walkway in a hotel because we thought we might get kicked out if we were caught.”
  • “Jake was the love of my life. He was, is and always will be. Despite what has happened, though, I still have this whole fairytale vision in my head because I was brought up on movies and storybooks that say I’m going to find my soulmate, get married and have a perfect life. Maybe one day that will be with Jake. Maybe I’m a weird girl and I just needed a good freak to match me.”
  • Regarding the filming of her lastest movie, Marie Antoinette: “After filming I’d just go home and pass out. I’d have a glass of champagne, which I would never normally do. I mean, who drinks champagne before they go to bed?”
  • “When I came off set it would be like a weight had lifted off my chest. You know, I’m lucky I’m not at some bar at night doing coke because I was so messed up.”

You know, Shakespeare had a quote about this sort of thing. Something about “doth” and “protesting.” I can’t quite recall the details. But either this Marie Antoinette movie is a real snoozer, or that Kirsten had a little help in getting her tongue untied, if ya know what I mean.

"It’s Like, Yeah, Motherfucker, My Bag’s Fine"

September 8, 2006

Ugh. I am, like, soooo late on the draw with this one. So a recap.

Lindsay Lohan’s Birkin was stolen at Heathrow airport, which was, like, recently the target of some manner of foiled terrorist plot, so it’s nice to see they’ve really driven security into high gear over there. Lindsay cried because if there’s anything that sucks worse than losing a Hermes bag containing over $1M in jewelry and your asthma inhaler, it’s losing a Hermes bag containing over $1M in jewelry and the rest of your cocaine. You’d cry, too.

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Don’t panic yet, folks; the bag was recently found in a parking lot near Heathrow, after whoever stole it realized that it’s a lot harder to sell jewelry and a handbag on the black market when everyone in the nearest 19 countries knows you stole them from Lindsay Lohan this morning. But you know what tastes the same in every language? Yeah. Don’t count on getting that “inhaler” back, Linds.

You Asked for It: The Guys from Laguna Beach May Occasionally Hit Things Other Than Kristin Cavalleri’s Vagina Edition

August 29, 2006

Every day I get such a kick at looking at the search terms that guide you people to this site. I always feel a little bad when you end up here searching for something I don’t offer. So in an attempt to remedy this (and because I think it’s funny), I am going to start a semi-regular segment in which I address these search terms and attempt to provide the appropriate content. So here are some of my recent favorites:

stephen colletti shirtless


Judging from these samples, it’s not a real shocker that the Internet doesn’t abound with such monstrosities. A distended belly and what looks like the beginnings of eczema. You sure were lucky to score that shit, Kristin. You’re so pretty. Search tip: using quotation marks in Google — “stephen colletti shirtless” — produces better results.

Lark Voorhees pics

More than one of you has shown up here using these terms. I am sad for you. But I couldn’t figure out why you didn’t just click the images tab in Google, until I tried to do it myself. Here’s a hint for all of us: spell it “Voorhies,” because, you know, it turns out that’s how she does.

Stephen Colletti bong

Here’s a beer bong, it’s the best I can do. I can, however, pretty much assure you that Stephen Colletti smokes weed. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is it? Okay then.

Jason Wahler break up cocaine

You’re awfully specific, aren’t you? I’ve actually had quite a number of you show up here via some combination of “Jason Wahler” and “cocaine.” Well, Jason Wahler did break up with Lauren Conrad (or was it the other way around? Hm. I guess we’ll find out next season.) Does Jason Wahler do cocaine? Hm. Now I don’t want to go around all allege-y and whatnot, but if you all typed it into Google, perhaps you know something that I won’t print.

“white wife”

I hear they have them in Russia, dude.