Archive for the ‘Jessica Simpson’ Category

Oh Hell Yes: The Lane Garrison Story Has a Jessica Simpson Twist

December 5, 2006

See, I told you it was weird. Lane Garrison, the 26-year-old Prison Break actor whose Saturday-night outing with 3 teenagers proved deadly for one of them, was sent to live with Joe Simpson as a troubled teen in Texas. Yes, that Joe Simpson. Papa Joe. Jess and Ashlee’s dad. Back when he was a minister and not a manager and freelance photographer, trying to make sure the lights hit his daughters’ breasts just right.

Garrison has said he and Jessica “basically grew up together.”

Jessica’s rep weighs in: “She loves him and wishes him well during this difficult time.”

Weird. Jessica’s whole Dolly Parton mishap occured Sunday night. This accident occured on Saturday night. I wonder if the news had her shaken up. Maybe (please God) there is soooo much more beneath the surface here…

Late-Night Links

December 5, 2006

The OC‘s Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody decide to call it quits. In real life, not on the show. Are they still on that show? Do I really care? No. [Tabloid Whore]

Eddie Murphy reportedly announces to a Dutch television show that he’s no longer dating Mel B. (aka Scary Spice) and now questions the paternity of her child. His rep says these reports are false. Maybe Eddie needs to take a tip from Gwyneth Paltrow and brush up on his foreign-language skills. [TMZ]

Um…related? Eddie Murphy is dating film producer and Babyface ex Tracey Edmonds. [Bossip]

I’m Not Obsessed has a good index of YouTube clips from the VH1 Big in 06 Awards. [I’m Not Obsessed]

George Clooney’s pet pig dies. Perhaps this will send him into a drunken emotional tailspin, hitting up Hyde every night with new BFF Stavros Niarchos, culminating in a glorious George Clooney crotch shot. Is that too much to ask?? [Junkiness]

I love Jennifer Garner. After her weight gain kicked off rumors of another pregnancy, she decides to just fess up: “Nobody’s pregnant. I am as physically unfit as I’ve probably been in my whole life.” [Pop on the Pop]

Oh good. Tori Spelling’s writing a memoir. People notes that the opus will “likely be done with the help of a ghostwriter.” I would, honestly, be much more interested in the stunning work of literature that Tori Spelling would surely produce if left entirely to her own devices. [People]

Two Beckhams for the price of one Courtney Love? You’ve got yourselves a deal, England! [popbytes]

Jessica Chokes Up Singing 9-5.

December 4, 2006

Jessica Simpson had an Ashlee moment at the Kennedy Center honors for Dolly Parton. After singing Dolly Parton’s classic “9-5” Jessica, looking quite nervous said to the crowd “so nervous” then exited the stage. I guess the audience did not clap and seemed stunned at Jess’s behavior. At the end of the show Jessica appeared to be crying when all of the artists returned to the stage. There is a question to if her performance will be edited out of the show because of her strange behavior which is sad for Jess since things haven’t really gone her way as of late. Maybe she was so scared that because of her declining career she might actually have to “gasp” take a 9-5 job. I mean, that would scare me to tears too.

The Kennedy Center Honors airs December 26th at 9 PM on CBS.

UPDATE: Best Week Ever has the best fake liveblogging of this event EVER.


Late-Night Links

November 28, 2006

Mary Kate and Ashley appear on The Today Show to give their first interview in two and a half years. They both appear sober and talk mostly about their careers. Yawn. [MollyGood]

Tom Cruise wore a girdle under his tux at his own wedding. Is this some wacky Scientology tradition? Nope. He just wouldn’t fit in his Armani suit otherwise. [Spank Cheeks]

Rachel Bilson accomplishes the previously unheard-of feat of simultaneously being adorable and at Hyde. [Yeeeah!]

Oh please, please, let there be a Jessica Simpson sex tape. [Egotastic]

“This Scarf is Heavy,” by Paris Hilton. [The Gilded Moose]

I am going to mention Hansen without mentioning “Horseface,” just this once, because they’re being nice to Africa. [Agent Bedhead]

Nicole Richie does her best Hamburgler. [Dirty Laundry]

Studio 60 Brings Out the Big Guns

October 24, 2006

Or they bring in Jessica Simpson. I understand that she’s trying to promote her poor-selling album but I don’t think she is really going to be the ratings boost they are looking for. I would bring in Nick Lachey…bring in some teenage girls. I did enjoy Sting and his lute last week, but if they want to really “young” the show up other options could be JoJo, Danity Kane, or Justin Timberlake.

I like Studio 60, and Evil Beet and I both are quite miffed at the switcharoo they are doing with Friday Night Lights. I personally like both shows. I think they are both very innovative television but play to totally different demographics.

Let us see how this little venture goes. I really hope we don’t lose both of them and end up with Who Wants to Date My Cousin?

Joe Simpson is Still Freaking People Out

October 20, 2006

Via Best Week Ever this morning Joe Simpson is still creeping people out with his strange “management” of his daughter Jessica.

Now I remember back in the day when Jess was all into Jesus and her father was all freaked out about her going off and boinking Nick before they actually got to the altar. Since she’s already popped her cherry, Jesus is evidently all ok about her romping around with every flavor of the month musician. Ya, keep telling yourself that Joe.

I mean, it is really weird that Joe is now taking dirty pictures of his daughters. But I see that all the time on Law and Order:SVU…wait, those dudes go to jail.

Justin Timberlake Launches Another Fashion Line that People Will Stop Caring About in 6 Months Tops

October 18, 2006

So Justin has premiered his new “clothing line,” William Rast, during Los Angeles Fashion Week Tuesday. He is in a long line of celebrities that have really no qualifications to make clothes yet do so anyway. Is this a good idea? Let us look at some past attempts by celebrities.

Jessica Simpson– Has 3 lines of clothing. Now, I had to go to a mall in suburban Illinois to find a Fashion Bug that actually carries her clothes. I bet Jess totes wears jeans shorts from the Fashion Bug.

(Good or Bad Idea: Um, awful idea. Jess was fined $100 million dollars for not endorsing her cheap-ass Princy Jeans.

JLo– Has both a mid-priced and a high-end line which includes a lot of sweatpants. Gotta give her props for making jeans for girls with a booty.

(Good or Bad Idea: Sweetface, her clothing company grossed $130 million in 2004)

Anna Nicole Smith– Evidently she has a line in the works to show off her “Tex-Sex” style.

(Good Or Bad Idea: Unless it comes with a free supply of those diet pills I ain’t buyin it)

Mandy Moore– So I just spent like 20 min attempting to find this phantom “t-shirt” line that I remember hearing about a few years ago. I live for shopping, but I have never even seen them anywhere. I still can’t find where one can buy them but I guess her motivation was that there was a lack of overpriced t-shirts on the market.

(Good or Bad Idea: Whatever, I don’t care anymore)

Jessica Alba Does Jessica Simpson

October 14, 2006

No, not like that.

I have no idea why it’s clips day today, but it is. I found this old MadTV parody of Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica on Wampoon, and I’m posting it because:

a) It’s really funny.
b) Jessica Alba looks hot in it, and I’ve heard that all three of the heterosexual male readers of this site enjoy looking at Jessica Alba, particularly when she looks hot.

New Videos from Nick & Jessica

October 13, 2006

I hate to admit it, but I actually kind of like Jess’s new song, “I Belong to Me,” and I’m digging the video. The emotions look real, and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear she spent a lot of the days on the set crying real tears. It’s the first time in a long time I’ve been able to look at her as an actual person, and get a sense of the hell she’s been through this year. It’s a positive message, and she carries it well. Props, Jess.

Nick’s isn’t bad, either, although it sounds more manufactured than Jess’s, and I am really, really over beach videos. Like, waves crashing? Clouds in fast-mo? Hey Nick, can you give me more generic? Oh! Sitting on a jagged rock, staring out into the water? Perfect. You forgot to intersperse it with shots of yourself sucking on a mic in a recording studio, but beyond that, genius.

And they both used muted colors. Oh, the angst.

Confirmed: Jessica Simpson Looks Like Hell in Person Lately, Too

October 9, 2006

We’ve all witnessed the persistent stream of atrocious, what-was-she-thinking pictures of Jessica Simpson lately, but is it possible the camera just doesn’t do her justice? I mean, how could she possibly allow herself to walk out the door each day looking as bad as we think she does?

E! Online’s Lara Morgenson attended the opening of the newest Hollywood hot-spot, Area (how is a club already a hot-spot upon its opening? How?? (Answer: Brent Bolthouse)), and had a run-in with Simpson and CaCee Cobb in the women’s restroom. Here’s what Lara had to say:

I’m doing my thing in the little girls’ room, when Jessica and onetime BFF Cacee Cobb barge in. I can’t get over Jess’ look: She’s like a younger version of Courtney Love, with smudged red lips and disheveled hair. Seriously, what gives? As Jess and Cacee wait in line, their eyes are literally fixated on their reflections. Jessica starts playing with her short bob, pulling it into a ponytail, while her pal scrutinizes. “No, no–stop it,” Cobb instructs. “Leave it down. It looks much better that way.” With a sigh, Jess purses her lips and complies, letting her fried platinum locks fall back to her shoulders, then trots back out to her table.

Wow, I’ve heard some pretty mean things said about Jess lately, but “a younger version of Courtney Love?” Ouch.