Brody Jenner Disappointed to Have Been Profiled Accurately

Brody Jenner has responded to this article in Details magazine, which fails to portray him or his buddy Spencer Pratt in anything resembling a positive manner, and implies that he dated Nicole Richie strictly to gain fame.

“I have broad shoulders and can handle what is written about me personally but when I am misquoted or mischaracterized as exhibiting a disrespectful attitude towards someone I care about, I feel I need to clarify the situation,” says Jenner. “I genuinely love Nicole… I would never say or do anything hurtful to those I love and respect. I’m sorry it was represented that way.”

Even his mommy weighed in: “He has always been fond of [Nicole]. He dated her because he really likes her. He doesn’t have to date anyone for any other reason than he really likes them.” Awww. Thanks, Mommy.

Details stands by their story “100 percent.”

Anyway, Brody’s damn good at this fame-for-no-reason thing. Because now, instead of me writing one article about him being a jackass, I’m writing two. Rock on, Brody.

Brody Jenner & Spencer Pratt Are Exactly the Tools You Thought They Were

Man, this interview should be required reading for the whole world. Especially Lauren Conrad.

Details magazine sits down with the male “stars” of this season of The Hills, Brody Jenner and Spencer Pratt, to discuss their bizarre rise to fame.

Some sample dialogue:

Pratt: “Do you trust me?”
Jenner: “Of course I trust you.”
Pratt: “All right, then here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna start dating Nicole Richie. And you’re gonna get that skinny bitch to eat, all right? You are about to become The Guy Who Got Nicole Richie to Eat. Process that shit, bro. You’ll be, like, a fucking hero to America.”

It really just gets worse from there. “Basically, I made it, like, my mission to try to go on a date with every girl on The Hills,” says Spencer, who later spends twenty minutes talking about how he’s planning to make a tape of himself banging Heidi Montag, and release it on the Internet.

Also in there: apparently Lindsay Lohan is all up on Brody’s cock. She texts him constantly and reportedly said that “she could cuddle with him forever.”

And then they get all bitchy with Kevin Connolly. “That guy is a joke,” says Spencer. “We were Entourage before Entourage. .. Why would anyone act when they can just play themselves?” (Notes the author: “Well, there’s this: While Jenner & Co. will spend $1,000 on drinks over the course of the next two hours, Connolly is drinking for free.”)

In no big surprise, most of the total jackass comments made in this interview come out of Spencer’s mouth, not Brody’s. I used to think Brody Jenner was totally disgusting. Now he seems like a pretty decent guy when compared to Spencer Pratt. And at least Brody is genuinely hot. Spencer, as other bloggers have pointed out, is disturbingly Steve Sandersesque.

Oh well. Here’s the point: watch The Hills.

Another Reality Show Participant Makes a Straight to DVD Movie

I get a bit sassy sometimes when reality shows refer to their participants as “cast members”. I am a struggling actress (the secret is out!) so I have issue with these reality whores ending up in movies and television. Because of “Laguna Beach” and its even faker spin-off “The Hills,” the reality star to actor ratio is going to get much higher. Why, you ask? Well, I have a sneaking feeling that these “cast members” are actually “cast.” Do you think it is a coincidence that LC is dating the Prince of Malibu?

On a reality casting note the Hollywood Reporter is saying that “Brian Drolet (MTV “The Hills”) is set to appear in “Burial at Sea,” an indie teen horror movie being directed by Joe Knee. Drolet will play a pro skateboarder who unknowingly hires the cursed captain of a possessed yacht for an expedition to shoot the ultimate skateboard video. Drolet is repped by Metropolitan and Cole Payne Management.”

Possessed yacht? This has straight to video written all over it. This guy seemed like such a tool on “The Hills.” At least he looks good with his shirt off.

An interesting link for those dudes out there who like big ole reality TV boobies. Robin from the current “Duel” challenge series takes it all off for the cameras. [IDontLikeYouInThatWay]

Friday Afternoon Links fo’ Yo Ass

Angelina Jolie just hates it when photogs catch pictures of Shiloh without forking over the requisite $4M. [Just Jared]

Nicole Kidman’s husband, country singer Keith Urban, is the latest celeb to enter rehab for an alcoholism relapse. It’s going to be okay, Nicole. Remember, there’s still no twelve-step program for Scientology. [Allie is Wired]

The Hills‘ L.C. is officially dating Brody Jenner, the ex-boyfriend of her Laguna Beach nemesis, Kristin Cavallari. No comment yet from Cavallari, but we’re keeping a close eye on her t-shirts. [Hollyscoop]

Break out the weed and the slap bracelets. Fraggle Rock is coming to the big screen. [popbytes]

Breaking! Kevin Federline may not be the model father you’d previously believed him to be. Well, at least you were right about the model part. [PopCultureWhore]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Christie Brinkley is such a rock star. [Teddy and Moo]

Brody Jenner Will Not Go Away

That Brody Jenner sure knows how to keep his name in the papers. In July, the Princes of Malibu star (well, he was the star for all two episodes that aired) broke up with Laguna Hills demon Kristin Cavallari, and the nation breathed a sigh of relief, thinking we’d never see or hear from him again. But we were wrong. He quickly hitched his wagon to the galloping publicity horse that is Nicole Richie. She ditched him last week.

Uh oh! How will the 23-year-old rich kid ever be relevant now? Hm. Maybe if he decided to hook up with Kristin Cavallari’s longtime nemesis, Lauren Conrad. Yeah, that would probably do the trick. Might even come with a guest spot on LC’s latest reality show, The Hills. Good thinking, Brody!

Update: BWE just totally called the parallel between Jenner’s Laguna Beach double dipping and Adam Duritz’s Jen Aniston/Courtney Cox fuckfest back in the day.

Midday Mess: The Liza Minelli Has Herpes Edition

• Nicole Richie and Brody Jenner finally make out in public. Okay, so, now that this happened, can someone please explain to me who Brody Jenner is?
• This Page Six tidbit focuses on how Tom Hanks’ first wife basically made him out to be Satan in pre-divorce legal filings (Really? In divorce proceedings? She had negative things to say? I really hope someone thought to write a whole book about this. Someone did? Oh good.), but I’m more interested in the last paragraph, which implies that Tom jacked the Forrest Gump character from a role his brother Jim played in a soft porn flick two years earlier. In fact, Jim’s IMDB profile says that he was his brother’s “running double” in the film that won Hanks an Oscar. Eeeeenteresting.
• It turns out that whole “six degrees of separation” thing wasn’t really based “scientifically” or on “thorough analysis of research results.” See? I told you. You cannot go from Jonathan Taylor Thomas to Treat Williams in six steps. It just can’t be done.
• Remember when David Gest and Liza Minelli got married, and we all rejoiced, knowing that, no matter what, we were in for years and years of comedic gold? Man, were we ever right. This week, Gest wants their prenup set aside, because Liza is herpetic, alcoholic and abusive. Awesome.
• Dakota Fanning does her very best “Russian hostage chic” for Teen Vogue. Thank goodness the folks at Conde Nast devised a mechanism for getting the Vogue message to even younger women.

Update: Okay, okay. I knew it was just a matter of time before I got this email from one of you. Dave at Maassive would like me to know just how very wrong I am on the JTT->Treat Williams tip. He gets extra points for actually going through Kevin Bacon. Here you go:

Jonathon Taylor Thomas was in Tom & Huck with Brad Renfro
Brad Renfro was in Telling Lies in America with Kevin Bacon
Kevin Bacon was in Loverboy with Sandra Bullock
Sandra Bullock was in Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous with Treat Williams

Update Update:

You guys just won’t let this go. Okay. Super props to Anna for going through Devon Sawa.

Treat Williams in Hollywood Ending with Woody Allen
Woody Allen in Anything Else with Christina Ricci
Christina Ricci in Now and Then with Devon Sawa
Devon Sawa in Wild America with Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Kristin Cavalleri Has a Sassy T-Shirt…

…and it is news. Last month, Cavalleri ended her romance with Prince of Malibu Brody Jenner, and since then, Jenner’s been photographed almost daily with Eating Disorder of Malibu Nicole Richie. Cavalleri saves face by courting the photogs in a shirt that says YOU CAN HAVE HIM, which she undoubtedly purchased at Kitson along with her TEAM JOLIE shirt (oh, you would be Team Jolie, wouldn’t you, Kristin? I know you.) According to Us Weekly’s source, Kristin “has had that shirt forever and finally had a reason to wear it.”

Hey Kristin: I have this shirt that says “Asexuality: It’s Not Just for Amoebas Anymore.” If I give you $50, will you put it on and go have lunch at The Ivy?