Archive for the ‘Natasha Lyonne’ Category

There Is No Other Important Aspect to This Story Other Than the Fact That Natasha Lyonne Threatened to Sexually Molest a Dog

December 17, 2006

…but, if you care, she turned herself into a NY court on Friday, for the aforementioned threats of sexual molestation issued toward a dog.

There’s a stint in rehab there, and some previous missed court appearances, blah blah blah, but am I the only one who’s noticed that none of that matters? Because this is the most hilarious court case in the history of the world (seriously, I ran a LexisNexis search, and this is it).

The complaint was originally filed by Lyonne’s former roommate, who claimed that Natasha trashed their apartment, then banged on a neighbor’s door, rushed into the apartment and picked up the neighbor’s dog, speaking the words: “I’m going to sexually molest your dog.”

Oh my God this makes my head spin. So many unanswered questions!

Why is this complaint being filed by her roommate, and not the owner of the nearly violated canine? What did Natasha have against the neighbor? Or the roommate? Or the dog?

Does Natasha Lyonne often have sex with dogs?

What on earth set in motion a series of events that would lead a person to speak, in earnest, the words “I am going to sexually molest your dog”?

I know, I know.


Still. Funny shit.

Way to work that ninth step, ‘Tash. Keep coming back. Just leave the dogs alone.