Late-Night Links

Heather Mills kicks the paparazzi’s ass. Literally. [Ninja Dude]

David Arquette likes watching his wife make out with Jen Aniston. How is this news? [Glitterati]

Beyonce photo gallery. [Film.com]

In college, my friends and I used to play the Movie Title Game. One person comes up with a ridiculous scenario and/or ridiculous pairings of actors, and the other contestants determine the appropriately hilarious title for said film. David Spade is a grocery bagger at Ralph’s? Paper or Spastic? Get it? Okay. So Mark-Paul Gosselaar is a hot-shot lawyer who decides to become an L.A. public defender. His partner? Janeane Garofalo. Go. [Pajiba]

Beyonce does the cover of Sports Illustrated. [Egotastic]

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy got matching hair cuts, which is totally creepier than his new movie is going to be. [A Socialite’s Life]

The set of Grey’s Anatomy has returned to normal. They’re getting into fistfights again. [Cele|bitchy]

American Idol claims another marriage. [PhillyBurbs]

The TomKat Wedding: It’s Finally Over!

Well, those two crazy kids actually went and got themselves married. This Saturday, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were joined in holy matrimony at Odescalchi Castle outside of Rome. There were over 150 guests in attendance, including Victoria Beckham, Brooke Shields, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, and Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey.

Katie’s father escorted her down the aisle, and the ceremony was performed at sunset by a Scientology minister (read about traditional Scientology wedding vows here). The wedding party included Cruise’s children, Isabella and Connor, and the best man was Cruise’s best friend, David Miscavige, who also happens to be the head of the Church of Scientology. Katie’s sister, Nancy Blaylock, was her matron of honor. The wedding singer was Matt Lauer. Nah, I’m kidding, it was Andrea Bocelli. I hear there was a light drizzle at the start of the ceremony, but then things cleared up for the couple.

Since I honestly don’t understand enough of these words to paraphrase the description of what Katie wore, I am going to jack it, word for tedious word, from Us Weekly: “Katie wore a fitted Armani off-the-shoulder bridal gown with a train in ivory silk cadis adorned in Valenciennes lace and Swarovski beaded crystal embroidery, featuring a delicate crinoline frill at the shoulders and a silk soleil border around the hem. The gown was complemented by an ivory tulle floor length veil and ivory silk shoes.” If this sounds more like a recipe for a wedding cake to you, too, just check out the pics. For the rest of you fashionistas, People has a run-down of what the entire wedding party wore (summary: everyone’s in Armani). Need more pictures? TMZ has one billion, and Teddy and Moo has the rest.

Tom and Katie left early the next morning for their honeymoon in the Maldives. Where are the Maldives? Apparently they’re an island nation south-west of Sri Lanka. Where is Sri Lanka? Now you’re on your own.

What Sucks and Costs $250 Million?

This is older news but you haven’t heard about it yet. A friend mentioned this to me and I had to track it down for you, the adoring public. I’m about to blow your mind. Ready?

Evan Almighty could cost as much as $250 million U.S. dollars to make. That’s million with an M. As in one quarter of a Billion dollars.

You may be scratching your head as to what exactly Evan Almighty is. It’s the sequel to Bruce Almighty, the one where Morgan Freeman was God and Jim Carrey put a definitive end to his comedy film career. The movie was okay, and it was cool because Jennifer Aniston played a tree. Oh, she didn’t? My bad.

But back to the budget, according to the article the film has run over on costs because:

a) it’s a “spectacle fantasy and also a comedy.”

b) the “studio’s desire to release the film during the holiday season in December, thereby cutting preparation time and forcing the crew to shoot scenes in Virginia during a rainy period.”

c) “Producers also encountered delays having to film hundreds of animals.”

Okay, now I get it. They had to deal with pricey rain, it’s a fantasy, and they had animals. It’s like Singles mixed with Jumanji so you can see why it would cost bank and a half. I won’t get into why they’ve decided special effects are relevant to a comedy because I know what really happened to the money and that’s a much more compelling story.

Tijuana hookers, eight thousand pounds of blow, and the crazy “money bonfire” party that helped the cast and crew pass away those lonely Virginia nights.