Brangelina: Hit Me (with a) Baby One More Time

Oops … they did it again!

Sorry, sorry. With Britney now sequestered in a single rehab for over twenty-four hours, I don’t know what to do with all those jokes. And it just doesn’t seem right that it’s nearly noon and I haven’t made one yet. So I’m turning them on Brad and Angie, because Hollywood’s better-dressed version of the United Nations is expanding once more.

Sources tell US Weekly that the gorgeous couple has filed papers with the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration services to adopt a boy from the Tam Binh orphanage in Ho Chi Minh City. They visited the orphanage in late November.

The move will bring gender equality to the family, which currently consists of one boy (Maddox, five, from Cambodia), and two girls (Zahara, two, from Ethiopia, and Shiloh Our Lord and Savior, 10 months, from the far-off, magical land of Angelina Jolie’s Vagina).

For those of you keeping score at home, this brings the tally to Brad Pitt: 4 kids, Jennifer Aniston: 0 kids. It’s looking to be a shut-out. Ouch.

Brangelina and the Girls Do N’Awlins

Mama and Papa with Zahara and Shiloh. Awwww…so cute!!!

Angelina Jolie Thinks Her Baby’s a "Blob"

After several years of relative silence, we have our good ol’, rambling, Billy-Bob’s-blood-in-a-vial-around-my-neck, yeah-we-just-humped-in-the-car, what-else-do-you-want-to-know Angelina Jolie back on the publicity circuit. She continues to give noteworthy interviews, and she doesn’t hold back.

Jolie gave an interview to the UK’s Elle magazine, and she talked about the different relationships she has with her children.

“I think I feel so much more for Madd and Zee because they’re survivors, they came through so much. Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born. I have less inclination to feel for her…I met my other kids when they were 6 months old, they came with a personality. A newborn really is this…Yes, a blob! But now she’s starting to have a personality…I’m conscious that I have to make sure I don’t ignore her needs, just because I think the others are more vulnerable.”

And, of course, she throws her usual salt in Jen Aniston’s wound while talking about Brad:

“We came together because we’re similar. We didn’t become similar after…He’s a really amazing father – he didn’t just become that around me. You could say he changed me. I wasn’t planning on getting pregnant. I’m the one that got knocked up! So if you look at it that way, it was me who had the reversal.”

Check out more highlights of the interview (including Jolie’s opinion on Madonna’s recent adoption) here.

Shiloh the Sexpot

From a new photo shoot for Hello magazine. Damn, she’s already got that seductive off-in-the-distance pout down. Are you guys sooo excited for when she and Jayden Federline have sex? I AM!

Brangelina Planning to Adopt Again

Although it won’t premiere until sometime around the year 2020, the greatest reality show ever continues its casting process, with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie planning to adopt another orphan, this time from India. A source says they plan to bring the child to the U.S. by Christmas. While Brad wants to adopt a boy, Angelina may be leaning toward another girl. The source says that “whichever they end up with, they’d like to name the child India to honor its homeland,” and, of course, to graciously set up the “finding nirvana in India” jokes for me to knock out of the ballpark when I’m writing a celeb gossip blog in my forties and India Jolie-Pitt is banging her Greek shipping heir. Pitt and Jolie are currently in India filming the upcoming A Mighty Heart.

Jolie has three children already. The first, Maddox, was adopted in 2002 from Cambodia, a region Angie fell in love with while filming the first Lara Croft film. Zahara, now nearly two years old, was picked up from Ethiopia; and, of course, we’re all familiar with Shiloh Almighty, the omnipotent union of the Jolie-Pitt genetics, who made her much-heralded arrival to our simple planet in May of this year.

Angelina has said in the past, “I want to create a rainbow family. That’s children of different religions and cultures from different countries.” Thanks, Angie. I needed that spelled out for me. The other term I hear a lot lately is “dirty sanchez.” Do you know anything about that?

Friday Afternoon Links fo’ Yo Ass

Angelina Jolie just hates it when photogs catch pictures of Shiloh without forking over the requisite $4M. [Just Jared]

Nicole Kidman’s husband, country singer Keith Urban, is the latest celeb to enter rehab for an alcoholism relapse. It’s going to be okay, Nicole. Remember, there’s still no twelve-step program for Scientology. [Allie is Wired]

The Hills‘ L.C. is officially dating Brody Jenner, the ex-boyfriend of her Laguna Beach nemesis, Kristin Cavallari. No comment yet from Cavallari, but we’re keeping a close eye on her t-shirts. [Hollyscoop]

Break out the weed and the slap bracelets. Fraggle Rock is coming to the big screen. [popbytes]

Breaking! Kevin Federline may not be the model father you’d previously believed him to be. Well, at least you were right about the model part. [PopCultureWhore]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Christie Brinkley is such a rock star. [Teddy and Moo]

On Fake Babies

While a Jesus-lovin’ Mel Gibson works hard to bring Jew-hating back to the mainstream, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are leaving that last-season Judeo-Christian crap in the past where it belongs. The couple is focused on our world’s latest Chosen One, taking graven images to a whole new level by allowing their two-month-old child to be depicted in wax and put on display.

Okay. Stop.

Can we talk for a second about how incredibly fucked up this is? Please? I don’t care where the profits are going (UNICEF for anyone who thinks this changes anything), this is your child. This kid never had a chance. They never even tried. What could possibly be an acceptable rationale for allowing your two-month-old child to be replicated in wax and thrown in a museum and photographed with tourists for money? They don’t need the cash flow, I assure you. If UNICEF needs funding that badly, I’m sure one of them can cough up some dough. Why oh why would a person do this? I feel awkward making judgments on how people raise their children, and I try generally to avoid the topic, but this is really frustrating behavior to me; how is this baby ever going to develop a sense of self when her image is a media sensation before she’s really even fully sentient? When she’s been defined by millions of strangers worldwide before she even knows her own name? This is how the Paris Hiltons of the world come to exist, folks. These are the ingredients, but they’re much more potent here. This girl is in for a long journey, with a lot of hard outer shells and late-life soul-searching.

It’s going to be sooo much fun to hear all about it on E!

I’m sure Tom Cruise is teaming with envy, and you’ll see Wax Suri on display in the adjacent room just as soon as he and Katie adopt her.