Archive for the ‘When Bad Things Happen to Other People’ Category

BREAKING: Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan Were Dating!

December 15, 2006

They’re not anymore, apparently.

According to a Moynahan rep:

“(They) amicably ended their three-year relationship several weeks ago. We ask for your respect and consideration of their privacy. No further comments will be made.”

Tom Brady is that total hottie who also plays football, and Moynahan is that little tramp who married Big on Sex and the City.

HOLY SHIT: Britney Spears Files for DIVORCE

November 7, 2006


And on Britney Spears Day!

We’ll have details as they come.

Update: From TMZ:

Spears filed legal papers today in Los Angeles County Superior Court, citing “irreconcilable differences.” In her petition, Spears asks for both legal and physical custody of the couple’s two children, one-year old Sean Preston and two-month old Jayden James, with Federline getting reasonable visitation rights.
As for money, sources tell TMZ the couple, who married in Sept. 2004, has an iron-clad prenup. Not surprisingly, Spears is waiving her right to spousal support. She’s also asking the judge to make each party pay their own attorney’s fees.
Spears gives the date of separation as yesterday, the same day she flaunted her incredible revamped physique during a surprise appearance on David Letterman’s show. Sources tell TMZ there was no single reason for Britney pulling the plug, rather, it was “a string of events.”

UpdateUpdate: Note to Faith Hill: YOU GOT LUCKY, BITCH.

Breaking: Chris Rock Files for Divorce

November 4, 2006

Apparently old pussy can’t cook that well. Comedian Chris Rock has filed for divorce from his wife of nearly 10 years, Malaak Compton-Rock. The couple have two daughters together. Rumors of Rock’s infidelity have been lingering for about as long as his marriage, so this doesn’t come as a huge surprise. Rock’s rep had no comment.

Thanks to the guys at Bossip for the heads-up.

Another One Bites the Dust

October 30, 2006

Young marriage doesn’t seem to work for Hollywood. Ask Jamie Lynn Sigler, Jessica Simpson, Kate Hudson, and now, sadly Reese Witherspoon. After months of speculation by the tabloids and many whisperings of arguments between this golden couple, they have decided to formally separate. According to a statement made by their representative to TMZ, “We are saddened to announce that Reese & Ryan have decided to formally separate. They remain committed to their family and we ask that you please respect their privacy and the safety of their children at this time.”

Evidently the split isn’t because of one specific thing but rather a “cumulative” series of problems. Maybe it is because he got loaded at her Golden Globes triumph. Maybe it is because he was emasculated by the fact that he was still “that hot guy from ‘Cruel Intentions'” and she was an A-list Hollywood star.

All snarkiness aside, they have two beautiful children and it is sad that they couldn’t make it work. Just last year when Reese won her Oscar she stated “I’m lucky to find a person to share my life, and the best friend I’ll ever have…I don’t think I can imagine a better guy than the one I’ve ended up with.”


Kevin Connolly is Functionally Retarded

October 17, 2006

Although she announced she had a boyfriend on last week’s David Letterman, People is now reporting that heiress Nicky Hilton has split with her boyfriend of nearly three years, Entourage star Kevin Connolly, after he cheated on her with Brittany Field (pictured above), the 18-year-old daughter of music mogul Ted Field.

Field is clearly as discrete as she is attractive, because sources say the young ‘un was less than tight-lipped about her rendezvous with Connolly. “She was bragging to everyone that she hooked up with Kevin last month while Nicky was in New York for fashion week,” says a source close to Field.

While Connolly screwed up big time, we have to admit, there’s always a soft spot in our heart for the man who punched Brandon Davis in the face. Twice.

Sara Evans’ Husband is a Dirty Whore

October 13, 2006

Country singer Sara Evans, who currently appears on ABC’s hit Dancing with the Stars, announced on Thursday that she will be dropping out of the show to cope with her divorce from her husband of thirteen years, Craig Schelske.

I can’t say I blame her. Have you ever been bored and lonely (and possibly a little bit drunk) on a Saturday night and spent a few minutes (or hours) perusing the Craigslist Casual Encounters listings just to assure yourself there are people out there far more sad and desperate than yourself? No? Oh. Yeah, me neither. But, anyway, there are people who utilize those listings in earnest, and those people, apparently, count Sara Evans’ husband among their ranks. Schelske’s posts “involve requests for three party sex and anal sex,” and her Prince Charming allegedly has on his computer at least 100 photographs of himself posing in an aroused state.

If that’s not enough of a fairy tale, Evans’ Romeo watched sexually explicit videos in their home in front of their three young children, allegedly prompting one of the kids to “confront” him about the porn on the TV. I’m not sure exactly how a young-child-to-porn-watching-father “confrontation” plays out, but I’m sure it’s not representative of a happy home.

Think on the bright side, Sara: There are, like, eight solid country albums in this.

Scott Stapp Is a Drunken Douchebag

October 9, 2006

I’m no expert on Jesus, Mr. Stapp, but, from what I’ve been told, he wasn’t real big on gambling, drinking to excess, or announcing that Dave Grohl has a tiny penis on television. But I suppose you’d know better than I.

[via SorryIGotDrunk]

Lindsay’s Post-Break-up Morton Encounter

September 23, 2006

You know those awkward days after a break-up, where you still have to see the guy every now and then to work out the details? Who’s keeping the dog? Where are my bikinis? You owe me $30 for that time I paid for the cab. Won’t you please reconsider? Please?

In the new media, EdTV life of Lindsay Lohan, these moments are captured on tape and broadcast to an international audience via the web.

Play along, won’t you?

TMZ has tape
of Lindsay showing up at Harry’s West Hollywood office yesterday, a day after she got dumped by Morton at the Chateau Marmont.

We’d like to take a moment to thank our sponsors. This particular summer in Lindsay Lohan’s life has been made possible by the following:

"jason wahler arrested cocaine"

September 13, 2006

I’ve had approximately one billion hits with this search term, or a variation upon it, today. So okay.

Yes, Jason Wahler was arrested in NYC on September 1, a little past 4 am, and charged with 3 counts of bribery, criminal possession of a controlled substance, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.

So, um, here’s what I assume happened:

1) LC’s ex-love bumped a few lines (of cocaine. Yes, people. Probably of cocaine. Are you happy now?)
2) He did some stupid shit. (Jason Wahler? You’re kidding me.)
3) The cops got involved.
4) The cops suspected and then confirmed that drugs were involved.
5) The words “Don’t you know who I am?” were spoken. Probably by both parties.
6) A bribe was offered. Thrice.
7) All bribes were rejected, Jason was arrested.

Update: Oops…He Did It Again!

Paris, Thank You for Being You

September 11, 2006

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Today has been a real downer of a news day, and here at Evil Beet, we’re gonna go to our happy place. Our happy place, of course, is wherever someone is making a total ass of Paris Hilton.

Right now, that place is Sir Richard Branson’s Oxfordshire estate in the UK, where he threw a fantastically expensive 21st birthday party for his son Sam. The theme was “Mad Hatter.” Don’t try too hard to understand why “Mad Hatter” is in any way an appropriate theme for a 21st birthday, just keep telling yourself they’re British.

The Bransons invited Paris Hilton, who wanted to come dressed as Alice in Wonderland, the pill-popping star of any Mad Hatter-themed party. When Branson found out, he secretly saw to it that all 60 waitresses at the party were also dressed as Alice, and when Paris arrived, he pretended to mistake her for a member of the wait staff and asked her for a drink.

Thank you, Paris, for providing a small bright spot in an otherwise gloomy day.