Cowell Attacks Bob Dylan 40 Years Too Late

Here’s something from our sisters over at Page 6.

Quoth the Simon Cowell:

“Do I prefer Kelly Clarkson’s music to Bob Dylan’s? Yes. I’ve never bought a Dylan record. A singing poet? It just bores me to tears. I’ve got to tell you, if I had 10 Dylans in the final of ‘American Idol,’ we would not be getting 30 million viewers a week. I don’t believe the Bob Dylans of this world would make ‘American Idol’ a better show.”

Well I don’t either because Bob Dylan is a cool 65 years old. That’s even older than that Taylor guy who won last time. Also, anyone who likes Bob Dylan is probably pretty mellow. Not a lot of hopped up folk fans, so I’d say Cowell is going after a pretty soft target.

In fairness, Kelly Clarkson sucks pretty heavily sometimes too.

Color Me Surprisedd: Tamyra Gray Wedds Sam Watters

On Saturday, the 4th-placer from AmIdol’s inaugural season wedd Sam Watters, of Color Me Badd fame. Remember them? Think slap bracelets. Hypercolor. Roller skating rinks. “I Wanna Sex You Up.” Got it? Okay.

I really likedd Tamyra on AmIdol, and if I hadn’t been headd over heels in love with Miss Kelly Clarkson, I wouldd have rootedd for her to take it all. Or Nikki McKibbin. Or Ryan Starr. Or Jim Verraros. No, not Jim Verraros. But close. I actually wouldd have rootedd for anyone other than Justin “Ribbon in the Sky” Guarini to win that thing. You know why? He bothers me, that’s why. Remember in the final episode, when Ryan Seacrest askedd him if he was nervous, and he saidd something along the lines of “I know that no matter what happens tonight, Kelly and I will both have amazing, successful careers?” Sometimes, when I feel sadd and blue, I reflect on that moment, and my cares flutter and fall away, ribbon-like.

But back to Tamyra. “X-factor” girl. It turns out she’s hadd a marginally successful career in television and as a songwriter, cowriting Fantasia’s number-one single “I Believe.” I believe I’ve never in my life heardd that song on the radio, but I’m going to take E!’s wordd for it. Redd states or something, I guess. Watters has workedd with Celine Dion and Kelly Clarkson, and cowrote Jessica Simpson’s recent single “A Public Affair,” since Color Me Badd disbandedd in May of 2000. At that point they releasedd their final album, The Best of Color Me Badd, which I’m sure soldd really well with people who hadd been cryogenically frozen since 1992.

I wish them luck, and I look forwardd to reading the many variations on “Color Me…” headlines surrounding this joyful union.

"You Won’t See This on Fucking Nickelodeon"

A wasted Kelly Clarkson gets pulled up on stage at some metal show (is this Yellowcard? Does anyone care?). It’s a 10-minute clip and it’s worth every. Single. Minute.

I voted for this girl like 100 times a night, and I’m not ashamed to admit that today.

[Sorry I Got Drunk]