Awwwwkward …

Since Lars and I have decided to play off one another’s topics today, I’m going with another Hayden Panettiere story.

Hayden ran into Evil Incarnate (aka Kristin Cavallari) while shopping on Publicity Blvd (aka Robertson). Hayden, for anyone who doesn’t know, is dating Stephen Cavallari, the not-that-hot cause of oh-so-much drama between Kristin and L.C. on Laguna Beach. TMZ has video.

What’s funny is that Hayden looks like the uncomfortable one here. Kristin probably saw Hayden and thought to herself, “Oh, shit, here’s someone who’s famous for actually doing something, and getting more famous for it every day. I should pretend like we’re best friends. People will take our picture and write about it. Then maybe I’ll stay famous for another week, even though I do nothing of any value ever.”

Meanwhile, little Hayden is all like, “Oh, so this is the crazy bitch Stephen’s always making fun of. What a fucking head case. I wish she’d go away.”

Good and Bad: Revenge of the Nerds Project Scrapped

TMZ reports that the remake of Revenge of the Nerds shut down production just weeks after filming began, after they lost their location at Emory University, where they’d planned to shoot a third of the movie. It is thought that Emory pulled out of the project because of its “raunchy” nature (um…did anyone at Emory think to watch the original?) .

This is sad because I loved the original of this movie and was kind of excited to see a remake. It is wonderful, however, because it means one less publicity opportunity for Kristin Cavallari, who’d recently begun dating her co-star from the film, the even-lesser-known Nick Zano. I’m sure her relationship with him will continue to thrive and blossom even though this movie got cancelled. Kristin doesn’t fall in love lightly. Or for publicity.

Late-Night Links

Britney Spears and K-Fed briefly reunite to jointly issue one last depressing statement: they did not make a sex tape. [Agent Bedhead]

Somehow — somehow — Wesley Snipes has managed to compare his tax evasion indictment to rape and accuse the federal government of racism in a single well-advised statement sent via email to a columnist for the Orlando Sentinel. [E! Online]

I still haven’t figured out who this Katie “Jordan” Price person is, but she’s selling her implants on eBay. [Hollyscoop]

Will Smith homeschools his kids, because he knows everything. [Junkiness]

Kristin Cavallari has found someone even less famous than Brody Jenner to date, her Revenge of the Nerds “co-star,” Nick Zano. [Superficial Girls]

Brief Interruption

I’m going to interrupt Britney Spears Day, just for a sec, because I’ve just received word that Kristin Cavallari is probably sleeping with Jason Wahler. I know what you’re thinking: “Isn’t that old news?” No, no, LC used to sleep with Jason Wahler, not Kristin. “But, wait, I thought Kristin already slept with LC’s ex.” No, LC already slept with Kristin’s ex, Brody Jenner. “I thought Nicole Richie did that.” She did, too. “Does Stephen Colletti figure in here at all?” No. “Thank God.”

And as long as we’re interrupting:

Check out Faith Hill’s freak-out when Best Female Vocalist went to Carrie Underwood at the CMAs.

Also, the Hiltons and the Olsens are swapping men again.

So Much to Tell You

• Is Ivanka Trump dating Lance Armstong? Probably not, but there’s video of her refusing to answer questions about him, which is kind of like dating, right?
• Were you totally psyched for the remake of Revenge of the Nerds? Don’t be. They cast Kristin Cavallari in it. Bitch ruins everything.
• Britney Spears wants Annie Leibovitz to handle the publicity photos of her latest emotional crutch, Sutton Pierce.
• People who can’t get into Hyde this week: Brandon Davis, Chyna, you.
• ScoJo totally had a nose job.
• It’s official. The Tori Spelling demon spawn is en route. Quick! To the storm shelters!
• Shocker of shockers! Mel Gibson’s post-arrest anti-Semitic comments were not an isolated incident.
• 90210‘s Jennie Garth pops out another adorable kid.

Are You Done Yet, Kristin Cavallari?

NYC scenesters say that the former Laguna Beacher has been working it hardcore at NYC Fashion Week, showing up everywhere that’ll have her. I hope this signals the decline of the Kristin Cavallari reign, and a possible return to the golden days of the Pax California, where you actually had to be the child of someone famous to get famous for absolutely nothing.

Let’s take a look at what Kristin’s done since her Laguna Beach wrapped in 2005:

• Dated Brody Jenner (WHO IS BRODY JENNER???)
• Lost Brody Jenner (WHO IS BRODY JENNER???) to Nicole Richie.
• Wore obnoxious t-shirt to express her apathy.
• Started tooling around town with DJ AM, Nicole Richie’s ex. Aforementioned apathy seriously in question.
• Hosted “Get This Party Started,” a reality series about the devastating impact global warming is having on our planet’s arctic regions, a topic dear to Kristin’s heart. No, I’m kidding, it was about partying, and it was canned after two episodes. Girlfriend, if Tara Reid can’t make that premise work, your amateur ass shouldn’t even be trying.
• Landed two B-grade movie gigs: Fingerprints, a no-name thriller in which she appears to have a bit part, and Spring Breakdown, a comedy whose IMDB page doesn’t even list a character name for her.

Kristin, sweetie, here’s a tip for you. If you want to stay in the papers, take a look around you. What are all the other famous-for-nothing girls doing? What sells magazines? What do rubber-neckers worldwide love to see on a cover?

That’s right, honey: Anorexia. It’s the obvious next step.

Kristin Cavalleri Has a Sassy T-Shirt…

…and it is news. Last month, Cavalleri ended her romance with Prince of Malibu Brody Jenner, and since then, Jenner’s been photographed almost daily with Eating Disorder of Malibu Nicole Richie. Cavalleri saves face by courting the photogs in a shirt that says YOU CAN HAVE HIM, which she undoubtedly purchased at Kitson along with her TEAM JOLIE shirt (oh, you would be Team Jolie, wouldn’t you, Kristin? I know you.) According to Us Weekly’s source, Kristin “has had that shirt forever and finally had a reason to wear it.”

Hey Kristin: I have this shirt that says “Asexuality: It’s Not Just for Amoebas Anymore.” If I give you $50, will you put it on and go have lunch at The Ivy?

Picking up the Pieces

Clips day continues. You know it’s a slow news day when you’ve tracked down a clip of Christina Aguilera on Letterman to use on your blog. But after the Federlesion horror you endured in my last post, Ms. Xtina rocking out should be a welcome treat. I love this girl and I love this song.

The “news” I found on the floor of the gas station bathroom this afternoon:

• Kate Moss, the inarguable Queen of Good Ideas, took it upon herself to plan a wedding to the King of Better Ideas, Pete Doherty. He didn’t show. Johnny Depp pokes his head out from his swimming pool of gazillion dollar bills and critical acclaim to laugh.
• Osama Bin Laden plays his own sick game of Fuck, Marry, Kill. The choices are Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, and novelist Kola Boof. Play amongst yourselves first.
• Jessica Simpson’s new single sucks so hard that she has lowered herself to warring with Kristin Cavalleri at the Teen Choice Awards. Yeah, that’s right, the chick from Laguna Beach. Who Stephen Colletti called a slut. Who is 19 years old. And who probably banged her ex-husband. These are stars that won’t stop rising, kids.