I Honestly Thought Whitney/Ray-J Was a Joke

This was one of those stories I came across and thought to myself, “Ha ha, very funny, retarded tabloids.” But I guess it’s for real. Whitney Houston and the urinator to Kim Kardashian’s urinatee, Ray-J, are totally a couple. They were spotted last night at a private party in Vegas. When not urinating on Kim Kardashian or porking Whitney Houston, Ray-J also plays brother to singer Brandy. Rock on, I guess. Mostly, I’m way psyched for Whitney on this one. After dealing with Bobby Brown for a million years, she deserves some hot young ass. And after watching that Kim K footage, you know Whitney’s gettin’ some good lovin’.

[via Bossip]

Whit Houston Needs Some Crack Money

No, that’s overly mean spirited even for a child of spite. But some of Houston’s stuff is going up for sale and you can be the proud owner if you hustle down to New Jersey post haste.

You can see the full list of stuff for sale here but the highlights include:

Dolce & Gabban Bustiers
Atelier Versace Beaded Cat Suit
Some of Bobby’s Awards
Northfield 36″ Vertical Band Saw

No word as to whether the band saw was used by Whitney herself and the items are only going up for auction because no one paid the storage bill. The lesson here: Pay all bills, and then only afterwards do enough drugs to kill a horse.

Really Early-Morning Links

Sharon Stone and Christian Slater are dating. This is a recipe for … well … lots of really good cocaine. [CelebSlam]

Tara Reid can still get modeling jobs. [Rappy’s]

Josh and Scarlett have come to terms with the fact that they are the sexiest people under 30 on the face of this planet, and they simply have no choice but to date each other. [The Blemish]

Joan Rivers, now officially senile, thinks this country considers Jessica Simpson an intellectual. [Agent Bedhead]

Yes, of course Halle Berry’s releasing an album. What did you expect her to do at this stage of her career? Act? [Pop on the Pop]

Evangeline Lilly’s Hawaii home burns down. This is where I write a joke that demonstrates some background knowledge of Evangeline Lilly or that show she’s on. I have no such knowledge. [Bricks and Stones]

Check out the first track from Whitney Houston’s comeback album. [Bossip]

Month of Makeovers

Whitney Houston, Britney Spears, and now…Tara Reid.

Remember a year ago when Tara Reid was showing up to events looking like this.

Now she looks like this.

I’m glad finally someone taught her how to brush/wash her hair and do her makeup. She used to be really smokin and I’m glad she finally embraced the fact that she is 30 and an adult. I’m guessing there was a team of people responsible for this…if so, they should win an award.

Picking up the Pieces: Whitney is BACK, Bitches!

Whitney Houston makes her first public appearance, newly sober and split from Bobby Brown, looking great. Let the comeback begin! [Celebrity Smack]

Michael Jackson moonwalks back onto our national radar, announcing plans to marry his children’s nanny and make a rare public appearance at the World Music Awards in London. Everybody stay very quiet. Maybe he’ll just go away. [Hollyscoop and Hollywood Backwash]

X17 has footage of Lindsay Lohan less than an hour before she was spotted screaming and crying in her vehicle after all-night partying. She leaves Paris Hilton’s house with a pizza box covering her face, walks into her car (like, literally — she runs right into it, with the pizza box obstructing her vision), then drives off. When the paparazzi are asking if you’re okay to drive, maybe you should ask yourself the same question, Linds. [X17]

Live television is so much fun! Isn’t that right, SNL? [Defamer]

It’s cute when photogs decide they’re going to stop bloggers from using their photos. [HGW]

Links, Links, Links!!

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe get into a little tiff at the Flags of Our Fathers screening in NYC. Ryan claims Reese is embarrassing him, mostly because her jaw is overshadowing his career. [Cityrag]

Victoria Beckham has been offered the hosting gig on Simon Fuller’s new fashion-centric reality show. She may turn it down, since the show films in the U.S., and she knows that if she leaves hubby David’s side for more than a minute, some hottie’s going to steal him away. Like Paris Hilton. Or Tom Cruise. [Hollyscoop]

Rod Stewart thought Paris Hilton was a hot piece of ass. When she was fourteen. [Yeeah!]

Whitney officially kicks the Bobby habit. [People]

It’s not so much that Christina Aguilera’s hubby is smoking a joint, it’s that he’s wearing a bike helmet at the same time. [I’m Not Obsessed]

Catherine Zeta-Jones acts pissed that husband Michael Douglas said Eva Longoria has a great ass, as a part of their joint effort to convince the world he’s managed an erection at any point this decade. [ICYDK]

Matt Damon reaches out to African children without managing to adopt one. [PopSugar]

Afternoon Delight: The Jessica Simpson Got Fat Edition

• Jessica Simpson hits the street with her sister Ashlee. She’s put on a LOT of weight this year, and I think she’s trying to hide it with this black parachute of an outfit, but it really just draws attention to it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: her stylists hate her.
• Whitney Houston confirms that she plans to divorce Bobby Brown. Their 14-year marriage survived the fact that they’re both egomaniacal crackheads, but it just couldn’t make it through a reality TV show. Will you people never learn? Reality TV kills marriages. Always.
• Paris Hilton is fucking Travis Barker for one reason and one reason alone: he is recently separated from the mother of his children and people will talk about it and her picture will be in all the papers. On most days, I find Paris amusingly self-absorbed and her antics voyeuristically engaging. With this, I just think she’s a piece of shit. It’s low even for her.
• The angry, lucrative buzz surrounding the upcoming season of Survivor: Racism has been more of a dull hum these past couple of days. But CBS was prepared for such a lull with its secret weapon — a CBS Corp. board member who is also the President of the NAACP. Wanna know what the NAACP thinks of Survivor: Racism today? Not such big fans. Go ahead, talk amongst yourselves. Call your mother. Write your senator. Blog about it. Buzzzzzz.