Late-Night Links

Nicole Kidman is carted off to the hospital after an on-set car accident, but she’s so badass she comes back later in the night to resume filming. Thankfully, someone got the accident on tape. [Celebslam]

Jessica’s pouty expressions and hair-twirling may be more for the camera than for John Mayer. [Cele|bitchy]

Kate and Owen take another shot at their non-relationship. You know, for the sake of the little Ryder. Oh wait. [Celeb Warship]

Pics of Carrie Underwood shooting her new music video. [Celebrity Smack]

Wrap your head around this: Paul Reubens, incapable of draw the line at masturbating in a public place, also smoked cigarettes on set. [Defamer]

Black Snake Moan is characterized as “bad Ricci-porn.” Count me in! [Pajiba]

Even fast food employees are loathe to be associated with Kevin Federline. [Agent Bedhead]

Late-Night Links

Paris Hilton actually managed to get fired from her namesake Club Paris. Is there anything this girl can’t do? [The Blemish]

Pics from the Alpha Dog premiere’s after-party, with nary a Cameron Diaz in sight. [Monica Monroe]

K-Fed gets text-dissed by La Lohan. [The Superficial]

Britney Spears is back on the party scene, looking worse than I have ever, ever seen her look. The first pic is vaguely reminiscent of Rosie O’Donnell. [X17]

The “sole remaining” copy of the video of Steve Irwin’s death has been handed over to his widow. [Tabloid Whore]

Nicole Richie hires a shaman to rid her home of whatever “curse” triggered her string of bad luck in 2006. This shaman will, I assume, walk in, flush thirty-six baggies of coke down the toilet, and leave. [Junkiness]

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson’s publicity train makes a stop in Splitsville. [The Bosh]

Singer/model Tyrese allegedly punched his pregnant girlfriend in the stomach. [Gabsmash]

TomKat Wedding What? Kate Hudson’s Hubby Files for Divorce

I refuse to let this one slip through the cracks, no matter how perfectly Chris Robinson thinks he may have timed it. The Black Crowes rocker filed for divorce from wife Kate Hudson on Friday, citing irreconcilable differences and asking for joint custody of their son/daughter/creature (If you’d cut his hair, Kate, we wouldn’t have to mock him. It’s that easy.), Ryder, 2. The couple did have a pre-nup, but details are not currently available.

Robinson and Hudson first announced their split mid-August, when it was rumored Hudson was romantically involved with You, Me and Dupree co-star Owen Wilson. In late October, Robinson was photographed kissing a mystery woman at LAX.

Robinson is represented in the divorce proceedings by Laura Wasser, who’s also signed on to hold Britney Spears’ hand through her divorce from K-Fed.

Kate Hudson’s Ex is Moving On

Kate Hudson’s soon-to-be ex-hubby, Strange Bearded Man (aka Chris Robinson), was spotted kissing a mystery brunette at LAX yesterday. I guess with all the news of Kate running around with Owen Wilson, Strange Bearded Man decided it was time he got a little nookie himself. Anyone know who this mystery woman is? Let us know!

Lunchtime Quickies: Nick Carter Would Like You to Hate Paris Hilton, Watch His Television Program

• God bless the British press. They’ve got a pic of cocaine in its natural habitat — the inside of Kate Moss’s nose.
• If the standard blow-up doll isn’t doing the trick anymore, you can bid on an actual Fembot on eBay.
• Nick Carter: “Paris Hilton is a psychotic evil whore blah blah blah blah hey by the way I have a television show coming out.”
• Jamie Pressly gets engaged and Kate Hudson files for divorce.
• Do you want a George W. Bush butt plug? Perhaps for use in conjunction with your Fembot? Okay, okay. Just promise you’ll think about it.
• ABC’s website has a clip of the Terri Irwin interview that will air on 20/20 tonight.
• I can’t believe I am linking to Perez Hilton just because I agree with his taste, but I am. Regina Spektor rocks, and when you’re done listening to the new Killers album, you should check her out.
• Lost star Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje ayddibug ukilolopoti yi Abptu daka-daka shrekpiti.

Midday Mess: Kate & Owen Sittin’ in a Tree

• For the eight of you who are still watching the actual SNL rather than the newer, hipper, Sorkin’d-out Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, you’ll be sorry (or perhaps not) to hear that the annual bloodletting at the Lorne Michaels antiquity means the show will say goodbye to Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz and Finesse Mitchell.
• In honor of what would have been Jerry Orbach’s 71st birthday, TNT will spend October paying tribute to the late actor by airing every Law & Order episode graced by his unique brand of utter awesomeness.
• American Idol‘s Clay Aiken talks to Good Morning America about how he reluctantly decided to begin taking anti-depressants, because that discomfort and fear he feels in his own skin is, obviously, the result of a chemical imbalance, and not at all related to a huge part of his identity he plans to hide from everyone at any price.
• After an ear-whisperin’ evening at Chateau Marmont and Les Deux, Kate and Owen must be official now. Us Weekly is asking you to name them, so you know it’s for real.
• Whatever The View is paying Rosie O’Donnell, she should demand they double it. Today, Rosie keeps the whinefest on our radar by honing her gaydar on Oprah & Gayle King.
• Don’t feel too bad about your crazy-ass, shoe-assaultin’, cartoon-drawin’ pops, Lindsay Lohan — Jessica and Ashlee’s dad is a total headcase, too.

Picking up the Pieces: Tyra Banks May Actually Be Kind of a Bitch Edition

• Do you want to see more pictures of little Sean Preston Spears waving from the window of his mommy’s hospital room? Okay.
• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson accidentally schedule their Maui vacations for the same week. That is so weird.
• Tyra Banks blasts the ‘razzi, but not until after she’s tipped them off as to where she and Nicole Richie will be doing it.
• Remember how Howard K. Stern’s first statement about the death of Anna Nicole Smith’s son Daniel emphasized that drugs and alcohol were not involved? To the surprise of no one, that is looking less and less true; the more I hear about the situation, the more awful it sounds.

There is No News Today

When is Britney due again? This is so frustrating. Items being circulated as news today:

• Paris Hilton released the album you and your best friend recorded on an 8-track when you were ten years old. Honestly, I had pretty much made up my mind that I was not going to listen to this album; I was going to hold out for weeks, at least, and possibly months; my resolve was strong and my motives were pure; and around 3:15 pm a coworker dropped it on my desk, and it was all over for me. I’ll write a more thorough review later.
• No one will ever marry Brittany Murphy. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Makeover!
• Kate Hudson thinks she can just skip out on an overseas premiere of a movie nobody cares about just because she’s divorcing a man nobody cares about without it being big news. And any other week, she’d be right.

Penelope Cruz’s Right Breast, Among Other Things

• After his little traffic mishap on July 20, the LA County District attorney will charge Haley Joel Osment with a DUI. I’m sure the young Mr. Osment knows how to get through this; after all, he spent most of last month being charged by the media with driving a 1995 Saturn.
• Outted Jew-hater Mel Gibson has been sentenced for his DUI arrest earlier this month. He got 3 years probation and 5 AA meetings a week for the next 4 1/2 months, with 3 meetings a week for the rest of the year after that. He also must pay fines totalling $1300, which is about .00043% of what Passion of the Christ netted him personally. The Life Ring blog notes that the U.S. media tend to tiptoe around AA and other 12-step programs, but Britain’s Telegraph tells it like it is: Mel Gibson is even a nutcase about AA, demanding spur-of-the-moment Big Book discussions immediately before a take on the set of Braveheart. So — who’s down to stalk some Melibu AA meetings? I’ll drive!
• That Owen Wilson knows a good publicity train when he sees one. He hopped on board and he’s grabbing a coal shovel, threatening to sue anyone who suggests he might have a role in the demise of the Kate Hudson/Strange Bearded Man alliance.
• Brangelina are moving to Los Feliz, ostensibly because no one in Los Angeles can agree on how to pronounce it, let alone remember where it is.

Hey Look! Kate Hudson Has a New Guy! No Way!

You’re going to want to be sitting down for this.

Kate Hudson, the attractive, talented and successful half of the Kate Hudson/Strange Bearded Man union, may have been motivated to end her impulsive, youthful marriage because she is falling in love with someone more attractive, talented and successful than the Strange Bearded Man to whom she is married. Luckily this person is no other than the lovably stoned-on-the-Daily-Show Owen Wilson, her You, Me and Dupree costar. See? Something good did come out of that movie. Just not for Steely Dan. Or anyone who went to see it, for that matter.