Late-Night Links

Yay! Trista and Ryan from The Bachelorette are expecting a baby! [Gone Hollywood]

Donald Trump may pull a Britney. [Cele|bitchy]

The Beckham’s actual reality was too dull, so they’ve created scripted characters for their “reality” show. You know, just like every other reality show ever. [POTP]

Kurt Cobain would have been forty this Tuesday. [Bree]

Reese Witherspoon and George Clooney? I’m sure this is not true, but I’ll dutifully pass along the rumor. [Holy Candy]

Paris Hilton’s birthday party in Vegas had not a single A-lister. She partied with midgets and monkeys. She’s probably going to check herself into rehab tomorrow just so someone will pay attention to her. [The Blemish]

Mischa Barton’s kid sister checks into rehab. [A Socialite’s Life]

Nicole Richie pleads not guilty to DUI, writes heartfelt thank-you letter to Britney Spears. [Hollywood Grind]

Late-Night Links

Joe Francis is kind enough to voice his opinion on the sexual strengths and weaknesses of young Hollywood, with Paris Hilton in a commanding lead. He also manages to plug ParisExposed about ten times, which is quite the favor for a website he claims to despise. Turn the other cheek, eh, Joe? [TMZ]

Denise Richards: what’s not to hate? [Celebrity Smack]

Reese and Ryan suck it up and attend their daughter’s school play together. I’m so Team Reese on this one. [A Socialite’s Life]

Congratulations, DJ AM. You’ve earned yourself another fifteen minutes of fame. And, yes, Mandy, Zach’s pissed. Everybody wins! [Just Jared]

Kate at Fishbowl has the 411 on Top Design behind the scenes. [FishbowlLA]

“The first time I get into a car accident and I see a blind guy get out of the other car — I’m kicking somebody’s ass.” [Pajiba]

For what it’s worth, National Enquirer is reporting that Nick & Vanessa are engaged. [The Bosh]

Early Evening Links

Can you believe I got these things up before 10 pm?? GO ME!!!

Jennifer Hudson needs additional media training. [Defamer]

Mario Lopez and Dancing with the Stars partner Katrina Smirnoff are doing the horizontal tango, if you know what I mean. [MollyGood]

Reese Witherspoon(‘s breasts) look amazing at the Kennedy Center Honors. [Yeeeah!]

Jen and Vince’s reps join forces to put the final nail in the Vaughniston coffin: “Jennifer and Vince mutually agreed to end their relationship.” The reps admit the two broke up in October, after Jen visited Vince in London. So, you know, right around when the blogosphere said they did. [Dirty Laundry]

Paul Walker has no need for talent. Good thing, too. [Celebrity Smack]

Scarlett Johansson: “Please masturbate to me. I want you to. I need you to. Do it three, four, five times a day. Before bed, in the morning, at the office, at your children’s day care, between rounds of golf, in front of your girlfriend, at your mother’s house, in the boss’s office, in the cafeteria, onto the mashed potatoes, anywhere, everywhere, I don’t care, just as long as you’re masturbating to me.” [Agent Bedhead]

Lance Bass says that he and Reichen are still trying to work things out. He made the statement via MySpace, which is totally Hollywood’s hottest PR agency right now. [ICYDK]

Photos from Johnny Depp’s first wedding in 1983. [popbytes]

Picking up the Pieces

Oh hells no! Britney removes K-Fed from her top 12 on MySpace. That’s what you get for writing mean things about her on shower walls, Kevin. [Faded Youth]

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are turned away from the London world premiere of Casino Royale, after someone very wise determined that perhaps Queen Elizabeth should not share a red carpet with a world-renowned cokehead. [Agent Bedhead]

Madonna confirms that she plans to adopt a baby girl from Malawi, in order to “redress the balance” in her family. Madonna says things like “redress” because she’s British. Oh wait. [Dirty Laundry]

Donald Trump is going to be a grandpa. Sadly, it’s not because Lance Armstrong knocked up Ivanka. [The Bosh]

Madame Tussaud’s unveils the new Ashlee Simpson wax likeness. What’s that? Oh, I’m told that’s actually Ashlee Simpson. [Celebrity Smack]

Okay, so, in college, some friends and I determined that Sexual Misadventures with Kimmy Gibbler would be, hands-down, the best band name ever. My reasons for mentioning this now are twofold. First, it’s still true, and someone should get on that. Second, Bob Saget actually makes reference to sex with Kimmy Gibbler in this clip of his stand-up, where he sings “Danny Tanner Is Not Gay” to the tune of the Backstreet Boys’ “I Want it That Way.” [BWE]

Are you ready to masturbate to sneakers? Reebok sure hopes so. They’ve hired Scarlett to co-create a line of footwear and apparel and star in the ad campaign. [IDLYITW]

Finally! It’s time for the Reese Witherspoon love interest rumors! Up first: Jake Gyllenhaal. [Hollywood Grind]

Dueling Cover Stories

Ryan and Reese’s divorce is hot off the press. According to the New York Times, which analyzed the different takes on the story that inTouch and Life and Style took this week, these two magazines are attempting to corner the market when it comes to the most talked about divorce since Brad and Jen (sorry K-Fed).
The interesting thing is that these magazines are owned by the same publishing company, Bauer Publishing. Though, in this article, they attempt to say “we never know what [the other magazine] is working on,” thankfully The New York Times is smart enough to point out that really they are attempting to make as much money as possible as a company by being sure that Team Reese and Team Ryan have their own magazines.

Since most people ended up taking Nick Lachey’s side post-divorce, magazines are attempting to cover the “hot sad ex-husband” angle. With Nick it was easy since Jess has been out boozing it up with the young Hollywood set. This is a bit less plausible since Reese is mainly photographed with her two lovely children, not out at Hyde sucking face with the latest whiny rocker.

They are essentially the same magazine. Until Friday they shared the same publisher. They are in the same building but on different floors. I don’t believe that their writers don’t chat in the lunch room much like this….

InTouch: So what are you working on?
Life and Style: You know, Reese and Ryan…their bitter end.
InTouch: You guys are Team Ryan right and we are doing Team Reese?
Life and Style: Dumbass other way around. Seriously Britney looks hot.
InTouch: Are you eating your cookie?
Life and Stlye: No…I’m on the Richie diet.
InTouch: Dumbass. Mmmmm…that’s hot. Who know looking at skinny people all day would make you so hungry?
Life and Style: Ryan Phillipe is hot.
InTouch: I’d do him.

Picking up the Pieces, Just Like Reese Witherspoon Has to Now

Reese Witherspoon officially files for divorce, then tells her manager to text Ryan Phillippe to let him know. [ICYDK]

Lindsay Lohan’s car is hit — again — by paparazzi. [Egotastic]

Bill Cosby settles his sexual assault charge for an undisclosed amount. [I’m Not Obsessed]

Remember Raj from The Apprentice? Apparently he was running for Congress in Pennsylvania. If I’d known that, I might have paid attention to these elections. But, once again, he wasn’t hired. [Junkiness]

Kellie Pickler’s album debuts at #1 on the country charts. “WHAT?” screams Faith Hill. But she was just joking. [Girls Talkin’ Smack]

Socialites say the darndest things. [Gawker]

No F’in Way: The Dems May Take the Senate

…and the blame is falling squarely on Donald Rumsfeld, who’s stepping down as Defense Secretary. That President dude wants some former CIA bigshot, Robert Gates, to take his spot. Stay tuned.

Also important: Australian home-wrecker Abbie Cornish was a no-show at the premiere of her new movie, Candy. She’s probably trying to stay out of the spotlight after being blamed for the Reese/Ryan split. Ryan’s denied a lot of things this week, but he hasn’t denied his relationship with Cornish, which friends say he made very little effort to hide.

Some You Tubers Mourn Reese and Ryan

I have to say, I only discovered You Tube a couple of months ago. Since I’ve been immobile, due to my broken foot, I have become a little obsessed. Part of my obsession deals with the people that make these little tribute movies to couples, TV shows, movies, etc.. Here are some tribute videos I found of Reese and Ryan.
Enjoy

Sorry, I’m having a hard time with this.

Ryan Did a Bad Bad Thing

Accoring to the “National Enquirer,” Ryan Phillippe was caught sending suggestive emails to his sexy co-star in “Stop Loss,” which he is filming in Morocco. Her picture is above and her name is Abbie Cornish, who is a sexy Austrialian blond actress. Evidently, Reese found these messages while she and Ryan were in New York for the “Flags of Their Fathers” premiere.

Reportedly, they have been having an affair that started the first day of filming. I hope this isn’t true, but Hollywood hotties don’t have the best track record.

Let the Rumors Begin!

The rumors about the cause behind the Reese/Ryan split have already begun a-churnin’. Currently, we’re being told that Ryan was carrying on an affair with a Vancouver waitress while filming a movie in Canada. To which we reply, “Ryan Phillippe still makes movies?”